Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.— Bob Hope
Skyrocket Golf Jokes quotations
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.
The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day.
It's either that or buy a new golf ball.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong.
You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands; how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
I think in twenty years I'll be looked at like Bob Hope.
Doing those president jokes and golf shit. It scares me.
I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games.
If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke.
Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke.
I thank God I'm good at something.
I have a lot of friends, in and out of golf, and there is a mutual trust.
I'm very serious at the course. Maybe if I joked around more around the press tent, your image of me would be different. But that's not me. And the golf course is my office. If I come up to you when you're writing a story, are you going to drop everything to talk? Or are you going to say you're too busy doing your job?
I don't play the sport for fame. I don't try to win tournaments for fame. I don't do any of that. It's just me. I'm just Bubba. I goof around. I joke around. I just want to be me and play golf.
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.