quote by Mark Twain

Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.

— Mark Twain

Bumbling Heaven And Dogs quotations

Heaven and dogs quote The lion doesn't turn around when the small dog barks.

The lion doesn't turn around when the small dog barks.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Heaven and dogs quote You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog

You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.

You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.

The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid.

God turns clouds inside out to make fluffy beds for the dogs in Dog Heaven, and when they are tired from running and barking and eating ham-sandwich biscuits, the dogs find a cloud bed for sleeping. God watches over each one of them. And there are no bad dreams.

Heaven and dogs quote Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find.

Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.

The wonderful thing about saints is that they were human.

They lost their tempers, got hungry, scolded God, were egotistical or impatient in their turns, made mistakes and regretted them. Still they went on doggedly blundering toward heaven.

Heaven and dogs quote What a beautiful world it would be if people had hearts like dogs.

What a beautiful world it would be if people had hearts like dogs.

When we were little, we kept close to our mother in a dark alley or if dogs barked at us. Now, when we feel temptations of the flesh, we should run to the side of our Mother in Heaven, by realizing how she is to us, and by means of aspirations. She will defend us and lead us to the light.

And I, a materialist who does not believe in the starry heaven promised to a human being, for this dog and for every dog I believe in heaven, yes, I believe in a heaven that I will never enter, but he waits for me wagging his big fan of a tail so I, soon to arrive, will feel welcomed.

Hardly any animal can look as deeply disappointed as a dog to whom one says "no."

Heaven and dogs quote As we give, we find that sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven and in t

As we give, we find that sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven and in the end we learn it was no sacrifice.

The road to Hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.

Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

I pray the gods some respite from the weary task of this long year's watch that lying on the Atreidae's roof on bended arm, dog- like, I have kept, marking the conclave of all night's stars, those potentates blazing in the heavens that bring winter and summer to mortal men, the constellations, when they wane, when they rise.

Heaven and dogs quote My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world.

My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world.

In the Twentieth Century war will be dead, the scaffold will be dead, hatred will be dead, frontier boundaries will be dead, dogmas will be dead; man will live. He will possess something higher than all these-a great country, the whole earth, and a great hope, the whole heaven.

I can't believe in the God of my Fathers.

If there is one Mind which understands all things, it will comprehend me in my unbelief. I don't know whose hand hung Hesperus in the sky, and fixed the Dog Star, and scattered the shining dust of Heaven, and fired the sun, and froze the darkness between the lonely worlds that spin in space.

You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion. . . . Dogs do not ritually urinate in the hope of persuading heaven to do the same and send down rain. Asses do not bray a liturgy to cloudless skies. Nor do cats attempt, by abstinence from cat's meat, to wheedle the feline spirits into benevolence. Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but not, as yet, quite intelligent enough.

Heaven and dogs quote If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t, either.

If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t, either.

23

That's one of those questions I'm asked more often than anything else.

Will my dog go to heaven? And I say well, the lion will lay down with the lamb.

Heaven and earth are ruthless, and treat the various creatures as straw dogs;

the sage is ruthless, and treats others as straw dogs.

The spring is here, young and beautiful as ever, and absolutely shocking in its display of reckless maternity; but the Judas treewill bloom for you on the Bosphorus if you get there in time. No one ever loved the dog-wood and Judas tree as I have done, and it is my one crown of life to be sure that I am going to take them with me to heaven to enjoy real happiness with the Virgin and them.

Heaven and dogs quote Prayer is the key to heaven but faith unlocks the door.

Prayer is the key to heaven but faith unlocks the door.

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A poet, any real poet, is simply an alchemist who transmutes his cynicism regarding human beings into an optimism regarding the moon, the stars, the heavens, and the flowers, to say nothing of Spring, love, and dogs.

Having a dog or cat will open your heart.

Reading a book will open your mind. Having both a pet and a book... absolute heaven.

My poor soul! Sigh, pray and strive to take upon you the blessed yoke of Christ, and you will live on earth in a heavenly manner. Lord, grant that I may carry the light and goodly yoke, and I shall be always at rest, peaceful, glad and joyous; and I shall taste on earth of crumbs which fall from the celestial feast, like a dog that feeds upon the crumbs which fall from the master's table.

Heaven and dogs quote If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

When Paul was taken in chains from his filthy Roman dungeon and beheaded at the order of the opulent madman Nero, two representatives of humanity faced off, one of the best and one of the worst. One lived for prosperity on earth, the other didn’t. One now lives in prosperity in heaven, the other doesn’t. We remember both men for what they truly were, which is why we name our sons Paul and our dogs Nero.

When a man gets power, even his chickens and dogs rise to heaven.

Once you have learned to fly your plane, it is far less fatiguing to fly than it is to drive a car. You don't have to watch every second for cats, dogs, children, lights, road signs, ladies with baby carriages and citizens who drive out in the middle of the block against the lights. . . . Nobody who has not been up in the sky on a glorious morning can possibly imagine the way a pilot feels in free heaven.

Heaven and dogs quote Be the person your dog thinks you are.

Be the person your dog thinks you are.

You don’t have a soul, so you can’t be baptized.

All animals are like that. I think it’s unfair and sometimes I don’t believe it. After all, what would heaven be without birds or dogs or horses? And what about trees and flowers? They don’t have souls either. Does that mean heaven looks like a cement parking lot? I suppose this is what the nuns call a theological problem.

The poor dog, in life the firmest friend, The first to welcome, foremost to defend, Whose honest heart is still the master's own, Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone, Unhonour'd falls, unnoticed all his worth, Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth, While man, vain insect hopes to be forgiven, And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.

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