Names are not always what they seem.
— Mark Twain
Surprising Hitchhikers Guide quotations
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
How many roads must a man walk down?
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.
I'm up to here with cool, okay? I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.
Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.
Life! Don't talk to me about life!
Listen, three eyes," he said, "don't you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.
Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.
Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin. "And what happened?" pressed Ford. "It committed suicide," said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold.
Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.
Marvin trudged on down the corridor, still moaning.
"...and then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side..." "No?" said Arthur grimly as he walked along beside him. "Really?" "Oh yes," said Marvin, "I mean I've asked for them to be replaced but no one ever listens." "I can imagine.
God's Final Message to His Creation: 'We apologize for the inconvenience.
Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.
This planet has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time.
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.
Looking up into the night sky is looking into infinity — distance is incomprehensible and therefore meaningless
Funny, how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.
To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
"What's up?" "I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there."
Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.
The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
There's a lot of science in it, and as Slartibartfast [in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] said: 'I am a great fan of science, but I cannot do a quadratic equation.' I've never, ever been able to do one. I remember one occasion at Warwick University, when Jack and Ian were at their wits' end because I couldn't get it. I felt totally ashamed.
The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.
The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.