Life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly— Paulo Coelho
Revealing Humorous quotations
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change.
Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude;
be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
It is dangerous to be right in matters where established men are wrong.
Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.
If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging.
When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
There was a knock on our dressing-room door.
Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The Police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down the john. Then the door opened and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting.
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success.
You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it.
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.
Celebrate your success and find humor in your failures.
Don't take yourself so seriously. Loosen up and everyone around you will loosen up. Have fun and always show enthusiasm. When all else fails, put on a costume and sing a silly song.
What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician.
This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it.
Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.