Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.— Hamilton Wright Mabie
Skyrocket Humorous Christmas quotations
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.
Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.
That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year." "Why?" Isabelle said. "So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.
You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party.
The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas.
I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception.
And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun.
He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.'
Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.