quote by Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

— Jerry Seinfeld

Sublime Irs quotations

Make no mistake, tax cheaters cheat us all, and the IRS should enforce our laws to the letter.

Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag.

That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

The IRS has become morally corrupted by the enormous power which we in Congress have unwisely entrusted to it. Too often it acts like a Gestapo preying upon defenseless citizens.

In 2013 Citigroup had profits of $6.4 billion in the United States. They paid no federal income tax and, in fact, received a rebate from the IRS of $260 million. That same year J.P. Morgan had $17.2 billion in profits in the U.S. They also paid no federal income tax. Do you think it's time for tax reform?

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

Santa is having a tough time this year.

Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Elements which are similar as regards their chemical properties have atomic weights which are either of nearly the same value (eg. Pt, Ir, Os) or which increase regularly (eg. K, Ru, Cs).

The late Alfred P. Sloan, Ir., long-time executive of General Motors Corporation, had a fivepoint "secret of success." It was: 1. Get the facts. 2. Recognize the equities of all concerned. 3. Realize the necessity of doing a better job every day. 4. Keep an open mind. 5. Work hard.

1913 wasn't a very good year. 1913 gave us the income tax, the 16th amendment and the IRS.

The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800.

I said If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.

Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.

One poll showed that Americans have a higher opinion of witches, the IRS and hemorrhoids than Congress

Every day, IRS agents levy liens on homes, bank accounts, and businesses;

they confiscate cars, furniture, boats, and other personal property without the constitutional protections of due notice, hearing, and due process. If a person forcibly resists, government agents kill him for resisting arrest.

No one in America fully understands the constantly changing Internal Revenue Code. Agents of the IRS do not, judges do not, congressmen do not, and most assuredly taxpayers do not.

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

By the way, when I say cut taxes, I don't mean fiddle with the code.

I mean abolish the income tax and the IRS, and replace them with nothing.

Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form

Mandatory sentencing guidelines have become as complicated and detailed as the IRS code!

Get rid of IRS; get rid of income tax; get rid of spending.

Top IRS officials specifically targeted tea party groups and misled the public about its secret political targeting program led by ex-official Lois Lerner, according to a bombshell new congressional report.

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

The United States has a system of taxation by confession

I think the terror most people are concerned with is the IRS.

Well, what did we buy? Instead of a leaner, smarter government, we bought a bureaucracy that now tells us which light bulbs to buy, and which will put 16,500 IRS agents in charge of policing President Obama's health care bill.

Low-income taxpayers deserve the same rights as everyone else.

It was wrong of the IRS to target low-income taxpayers, and I am please by the decision to correct this unfair practice.

Finally, the House is working to require a comprehensive federal review of IRS regulations with a follow-up report to Congress on possible actions to reduce the tax paperwork burden imposed on small businesses.

It is my belief that one's salary is between an individual and the IRS.

The more expansive government is, the more perils people face in daily lives, be it from IRS agents or from child support services, or from other agencies that often have little or no legal restraints on their power.

Your taxes are due a week from today.

You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'

Only in America does 'health' 'care' 'reform' begin with the hiring of 16,500 new IRS agents tasked with determining whether your insurance policy merits a fine.

We must get rid of the IRS. It's a bureaucracy fraught with totalitarianism.

Nothing guarantees more applause and more support than the call to abolish the IRS.

I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.

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