quote by Billy Connolly

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

— Billy Connolly

Sentimental Joking quotations

Joking quote A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it’s not that good.

A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it’s not that good.

7

Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress.

Every moment of life is unique-a kiss, a sunset, a dance, a joke.

None will ever recur in quite the same way. Each happens only once in the history of the universe.

Joking quote The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

6

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money...

They can crack jokes. They can sit back and analyze and criticize and make all the fun they want. But I'm living my life, I'm doing it. What are you doing?

Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there.

In a theatre it happened that a fire started off stage.

The clown came out to tell the audience. They thought it was a joke and applauded. He told them again, and they became still more hilarious. This is the way, I suppose, that the world will be destroyed-amid the universal hilarity of wits and wags who think it is all a joke.

No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke.

If I hadn't been told I was garbage, I wouldn't have learned how to show people I'm talented. And if everyone had always laughed at my jokes, I wouldn't have figured out how to be so funny. If they hadn't told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty. And if they hadn't tried to break me down, I wouldn't know that I'm unbreakable.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do the broads come on?" I got good at saying, "Relax. Clear your skin up first." They called me "the insult guy," but it's never mean-spirited. I'm just exaggerating everything about us and about life.

The Mexican...is familiar with death. [He] jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it. It is one of his favorite toys and his most steadfast love.

If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again.

When you can make others laugh with jokes that belittle no one and your words always unite, Hafiz will vote for you to be God.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb.

.. and I also know that I'm not blonde.

There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.

I had my electricity turned off three times because I never had time to pay my bills. It was a joke. I'm making a ton of money, and I'm walking around my apartment with flashlights.

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.

Nobody was perfect. Not even close. And everybody had wrinkles from smiling and squinting and craining their necks. Everybody has marks on their bodies from years of living- a trail of life left on them. Evidence of all the adventures and sleepless nights and practical jokes and heartbreaks that had made them who they are.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.

There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I've always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I'm trying to entertain myself more than anything.

Leo: "So...giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter." Piper: "Is that another joke?

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

I did see the Soul Train picture. That was interesting. I've heard all the jokes. I had it coming.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

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