Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.— Albert Einstein
Unforgettable Marriage Humor quotations
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
I love songs about horses, railroads, land, Judgment Day, family, hard times, whiskey, courtship, marriage, adultery, separation, murder, war, prison, rambling, damnation, home, salvation, death, pride, humor, piety, rebellion, patriotism, larceny, determination, tragedy, rowdiness, heartbreak and love. And Mother. And God.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said;
after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.
It takes something to get married: nerve, hope, a strong desire to make a certain statement - and it takes something to stay married: more hope, determination, a sense of humor, and needs that are best met by being in a pair.
Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
The secret to a happy marriage is a sense of humor, because marriage throws you curveballs. It is not easy.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
At the top of the list of what makes a successful marriage, is a sense of humor.
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.
The friendship that we established early on in our marriage .
.. that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.
So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure.