I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
— Lewis Grizzard
Unforgettable Marriage Humor quotations
Men marry women with the hope they will never change.
Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
I love songs about horses, railroads, land, Judgment Day, family, hard times, whiskey, courtship, marriage, adultery, separation, murder, war, prison, rambling, damnation, home, salvation, death, pride, humor, piety, rebellion, patriotism, larceny, determination, tragedy, rowdiness, heartbreak and love. And Mother. And God.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said;
after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
The friendship that we established early on in our marriage .
.. that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor.
Trust, a sense of humor, and don't let the sun go down on an argument without trying to make it up. That's all I know about good marriage. I've been married a long time - it seems to be working.
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.
In spite of conflicting signals - and in spite of a popular culture that sometimes puts down their innocence - most of our kids are good kids. Large numbers do volunteer work. Nearly all believe in God, and most practice their faith. Teen pregnancy and violence are actually going down. Across America, under a program called True Love Waits, nearly a million teens have pledged themselves to abstain from sex until marriage.
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.
Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.
The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.
What really holds their marriage together are mutual respect of an awesome depth, a shared sense of humor, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves, and a love so unwavering and pure that it is sacred.
Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".
I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.
The real marriage of true minds is for any two people to possess a sense of humor or irony pitched in exactly the same key, so that their joint glances on any subject cross like interarching searchlights.
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Probably the most important single element that I found in my own marriage was a sense of humor. My wife had a delicious sense of humor, and I think I have an adequate one.
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.
A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure.
Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other.
In the later years, you fight because you do.
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.