My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.— Anthony Jeselnik
Wonderful My Baby quotations
Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy.
Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
You keep your past by having sisters.
As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories.
My psycho-analytic work has convinced me that when in the baby's mind the conflicts between love and hate arise, and the fears of losing the loved one become active, a very important step is made in development.
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
Losing the future is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Being sectioned was the best thing that ever happened to me.
A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.
My sister taught me everything I really need to know, and she was only in sixth grade at the time.
It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts.
Babies are always more trouble than you thought and more wonderful.
There's people making babies to my music. That's nice.
They wrapped her up like a baby burrito to show to Mom.
Here were a mother and her daughter and I love them both so much. I couldn't wait for Courtney to come to the hospital so I could have all my women together.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case.
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.
You couldn't pay me enough to be a law enforcement officer.
Their job is a tough job. You have to solve people's problems, you have to baby-sit people, you have to always be doing this cat-and-mouse game with the bad guys. My respect for them is immense.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'
To Harald, may God forgive you and forgive me, too, but I prefer to take my life away and our baby's before I bring him with shame or killing him, Lupe. [Suicide note.]
You are my superstar. I'm your number one fan, give me your autograph, sign it right here on my heart. Girl, I'll be your groupie, baby.
Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.
When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and stuffed animals, pretend like they're real dogs.
My baby lives in shades of blue, blue eyes and jazz and attitude.
There was no way in hell I was going to jeopardize my baby for my show.
I photograph from the heart. I adore little babies and I think that shows. My images are really very positive, very simple, and from the heart. Babies speak a universal language.
My eldest son George had acute myeloid leukaemia when he was a tiny baby, he is now 20 and doing very well. He is a mini-miracle in many ways.
The more you give, the more you live.
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby!
When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters.
I am a product of affirmative action.
I am the perfect affirmative action baby. I am Puerto Rican, born and raised in the south Bronx. My test scores were not comparable to my colleagues at Princeton and Yale. Not so far off so that I wasn't able to succeed at those institutions.
I used to drink from my little sister’s bottle when she was a baby.
Time to move on, time to get going. What lies ahead I have no way of knowing. But under my feet, baby, grass is growing.