quote by Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore. When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Exciting My Bed quotations

My bed quote We read in bed because reading is halfway between life and dreaming.

We read in bed because reading is halfway between life and dreaming.

And here I am, dying in my bed, like cattle die. May the eyes of cowards never sleep.

My formula for living is quite simple.

I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.

My bed quote Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.

Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.

27

I don't have dinner parties - I eat my dinner in bed.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

I remember my son wanted to go to bed with his cowboy boots on, and we had this fight for like an hour. Then I realized that the only good reason I had for him not to do it is because I didn't want him to. There was really no other reason. And finally I said, "OK, fine." It was a great victory for me, because I realized it doesn't really matter.

My bed quote Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.

Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.

18

Thank God I have the seeing eye, that is to say, as I lie in bed I can walk step by step on the fells and rough land seeing every stone and flower and patch of bog and cotton pass where my old legs will never take me again.

The thing about happiness is that it doesn't help you to grow;

only unhappiness does that. So I'm grateful that my bed of roses was made up equally of blossoms and thorns. I've had a privileged, creative, exciting life, and I think that the parts that were less joyous were preparing me, testing me, strengthening me.

My second favorite household chore is ironing.

My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

My bed quote I pray that you all put your shoes way under the bed at night so that you gotta

I pray that you all put your shoes way under the bed at night so that you gotta get on your knees in the morning to find them. And while you're down there thank God for grace and mercy and understanding.

I'm lying in my bed, blanket is warm, this body will never keep me safe from harm. I still feel your hair, black ribbons of coal. Touch my skin to keep me whole. If only you'd come back to me. To feel you at my side, wouldn't need no Mojo Pin to keep me satisfied.

Even if I am simply one more woman laying one more brick in the foundation of a new and more humane world, it is enough to make me rise eagerly from my bed each morning and face the challenge of breaking the historic silence that has held women captive for so long.

So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair-ew!-and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.

My bed quote We stopped checking for monsters under the bed, when we realized they were insid

We stopped checking for monsters under the bed, when we realized they were inside of us

16

The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real.

I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.

My bed isn't made, I'm tired, I haven't slept well for two weeks.

I haven't been laid in a month. I don't have a girlfriend. I have a warrant for my arrest.

Most people don't do something seminal.

I've done it twice: with my tent and my bed. Picasso did it with Cubism.

My bed quote Habit is the bed of creativity. Tuck yourself in.

Habit is the bed of creativity. Tuck yourself in.

I never went to bed in my life and I never ate a meal in my life without saying a prayer. I know my prayers have been answered thousands of times, and I know that I never said a prayer in my life without something good coming of it.

My body grew hot, then cold. I tried to eat the bed sheets. My heart beat madly. Every joint in my body ached. When I took the cure they took it all away from me.

Every night when I go to bed, I hope that I may never wake again, and every morning renews my grief.

My bed quote So it BIG or stay in bed.

So it BIG or stay in bed.

9

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush! Naught's an obstacle, naught's an angle to the iron way!

My mother was one of seven girls whose parents went to bed hungry so their children wouldn’t. My father lost his mother when he was nine. He left school and went to work for the next 70 years. They emigrated to America with little more than the hope of a better life.

Is there no pity sitting in the clouds That sees into the bottom of my grief? O sweet my mother, cast me not away! Delay this marriage for a month, a week, Or if you do not, make the bridal bed In that dim monument where Tybalt lies.

My bed quote If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

4

The first thing I do in the morning is to make my bed and while I am making up my bed I am making up my mind as to what kind of a day I am going to have.

I don't like staying in hotels. I like to be in my own bed. San Diego as a city is really awesome. The only hard part of it for me is that I'm away from my family and my house. But as far as shooting down there, we get amazing locations, and the crew is really, really stellar down there. They are really fun.

I who all the Winter through, Cherished other loves than you And kept hands with hoary policy in marriage-bed and pew; Now I know the false and true, For the earnest sun looks through, And my old love comes to meet me in the dawning and the dew.

My bed quote Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave.

"I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.

My life is a blunt to the head, a prayer for the dead, Run around hustlin.

..scared of the feds. They said death is eternal sleep, But the only thing is you ain't really sure if you prepared for the bed.

Daily dawns another day; I must up, to make my way. Though I dress and drink and eat, Move my fingers and my feet, Learn a little, here and there, Weep and laugh and sweat and swear, Hear a song, or watch a stage, Leave some words upon a page, Claim a foe, or hail a friend- Bed awaits me at the end.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

the test of a cook is how she boils an egg.

My boiled eggs are fantastic, fabulous. Sometimes as hard as a 100 carat diamond, or again soft as a feather bed, or running like a cooling stream, they can also burst like fireworks from their shells and take on the look and rubbery texture of a baby octopus. Never a dull egg, with me.

I’m in for work at 6.30am and one of the last to leave. I don’t want to go home. We have beds at the training ground and I go home sometimes and say to my wife: 'Do you know something, I didn’t want to leave work today!' It’s not a slight on my wife. It’s just a great position to be in when you love your job so much.

To cure a batting slump, I took my bat to bed with me. I wanted to know my bat a little better.

I try to make my bed every day for mental health.

Coming home to an unmade bed or a room with clothes all over will depress me.

If feeling anxious about anything Dr Bachs night time rescue remedy is great.

Sometimes a bath before bed helps. Burning Lavender or Clary Sage in the room before retiring. Try not to work on my computer very late and then bed straight after. Getting enough exercise definitely helps sleep.

I love living. I love that I'm alive to love my age. There are many people who went to bed just as I did yesterday evening and didn't wake this morning. I love and feel very blessed that I did. I love, too, that I know a little more today than I did yesterday, or I simply know it more profoundly.

To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth—I count that something of a miracle.

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