I like writing books. I'd rather be at home with my wife. I can write, take a break, come out, have a glass of tea, give my wife a kiss, and go back in and write some more. It's not so bad. I am really lucky.— Gene Wilder
Unbelievable My Wife quotations
We're all consumers. The consumer is not a moron; she is your wife.
I was a queen, and you took away my crown;
a wife, and you killed my husband; a mother, and you deprived me of my children. My blood alone remains: take it, but do not make me suffer long.
The pig is the most shameless animal on the face of the earth.
It is the only animal that invites its friends to have sex with its mate. In America, most people consume pork. Many times after dance parties, they have swapping of wives; many say 'you sleep with my wife and I will sleep with your wife.' If you eat pigs then you behave like pigs.
There are three faithful friends an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
My great-grandfather used to say to his wife, my great-grandmother, who in turn told her daughter, my grandmother, who repeated it to her daughter, my mother, who used to remind her daughter, my own sister, that to talk well and eloquently was a very great art, but that an equally great one was to know the right moment to stop.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
By All means marry, if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy.
Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
My wife actually got worried about my drinking so much regular milk, you know, so she got me into rice milk and now soy milk, which I greatly enjoy. A soy mocha's a fine thing.
I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. But yes, I don't like to get Maudlin. And I have a tendency towards it.
The consumer is not a moron, she is your wife.
I have taken a wife, I have sold my sovereignty for a dowry.
[Lat., Uxorem accepi, dote imperium vendidi.]
I don't have 30 days and 30 nights, to show you why all the hoochies say there's nothing finer than Scott Steiner, but all I need is one night to have your wife call me for the rest of her life, the big bad booty daddy, so this goes to all my freaks out there, Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, hollar if you hear me.
Johns Hopkins introduced me to two defining events in my life: commitment to biomedical research and meeting my future wife, Mary.
I dragged my wife from our honeymoon in Africa and landed her in Ontario, Canada, when it was -40 degrees.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it.
The thief spends less than my wife did
As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Well, I always say that the two things I was most disastrous at in my life, being a teenager and being a wife, were the two things I really wound up cashing in on when I was writing fluffy magazine pieces.
I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
We made one film called Thy Neighbor's Wife in which I got flogged at the public whipping post for adultery. I did my best acting in that film, I guess.
You are criticizing me for my fashion statement.
My wife keeps on criticizing me for my blank bank statement
Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress;
when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other.
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
I want to say a little something that's long overdue, the disrespect to women has got to be through. To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends, I wanna offer my love and respect till the end.
Well I live in Vienna with my wife and son, and I teach in Hamburg, there will be no changes in that respect.
I've never won an argument with my wife;
and the only time I thought I had I found out the argument wasn't over yet.
My wife is so hot so I don't care it I lose every stage of the 2015 Tour to Kittle. Yea, he's got cool hair but my wife is super hot.
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
I don't sleep much. I'm on the go. My mind is racing. My wife says my mind is like the rolling dials on a slot machine. So, yeah, I think about everything.
I knew that my niece was working nearby with some bank, so my wife rang up the mother and the mother called back to say that shes just called up to say she was alright.
The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia.
I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!
There was a time when I thought I loved my first wife more than life itself.
But now I hate her guts. I do. How do you explain that? What happened to that love? What happened to it, is what I'd like to know. I wish someone could tell me.