In the future no human being is to find peace in the enjoyment of happiness if others beside him are unhappy.— Rudolf Steiner
Instructive Nonviolent Communication quotations
Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.
All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.
Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.
I want to appreciate you without judging.
Join you without invading. Invite you without demanding. Leave you without guilt.
Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences.
The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.
Love cannot remain by itself - it has no meaning.
Love has to be put into action and that action is service.
You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt.
Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs.
What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.
Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.
Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.
When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created.
When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.
The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony.
NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.
Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying the parent's demands.
Don't do anything that isn't play
Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer.
Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.
Usually a person relates to another under the tacit assumption thatthe other shares his view of reality, that indeed there is only onereality.
The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the source of all anxiety.
What you think of me is none of my business.
When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.
At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.
Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.
While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.
Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math, as important as those might be. Children also need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together.
What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.
People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.
I believe the principles and techniques in this book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, can literally change the world, but more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers and everyone else you interact with. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.
What will they think of me? Must be put aside for bliss
The only sensible person is my tailor. He measures me anew each time he sees me.
You can practice deep listening in order to relieve the suffering in us, and in the other person. That kind of listening is described as compassionate listening. You listen only for the purpose of relieving suffering in the other person.
At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.
Keep in mind that other people's actions can never 'make' you feel any certain way. Feelings are your warning indicators.