quote by Steven Wright

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

— Steven Wright

Provocative One Liner quotations

One liner quote One day, you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the thing you'v

One day, you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the thing you've always wanted. Do it now.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

One liner quote You're a work of art. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones who do, wil

You're a work of art. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones who do, will never forget about you.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

One liner quote One bad chapter does not mean your story is over.

One bad chapter does not mean your story is over.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

I can't just say the words, do a lot of one-liners.

I love each person I play; I have to be that person. I have to do him true.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

One liner quote One of the most important decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether

One of the most important decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage.

Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.

One liner quote Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behi

Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that nobody knows about.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station….

I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

One liner quote The woman who follows the crowd will usually go on further than the crowd. The w

The woman who follows the crowd will usually go on further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

One liner quote You have to be odd to be number one.

You have to be odd to be number one.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Nietzsche had a little one-liner on how to choose a wife.

He said, ''Are you willing to have a conversation with this woman for the next forty years?'' That's how to pick a wife.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

One liner quote Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.

One liner quote Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Bacteria: The only culture some people have.

The most common one-liner in the Bible is, "Do not be afraid.

" Someone counted, and it occurs 365 times.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

One liner quote Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living the other helps

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living the other helps you make a life.

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I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.

Don't take life too seriously.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

One liner quote One life. Just one. Why aren't we running like we are on fire towards our wildes

One life. Just one. Why aren't we running like we are on fire towards our wildest dreams?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Hold your horses. I'm coming."... "From where I'm standing you're just breathing laboriously." The snow swam out of focus. "Breathing hard. Are you coming or just breathing hard. You've got to get your one-liners straight.

I circumnavigate the globe with a one-liner like latitude.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations.

One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

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