quote by Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

— Steven Wright

Unconventional Oven quotations

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

...Humans were the only creatures in the world that ate their food cooked. You'd never find a Gorilla frying up some bananas for dinner or a lion charcoal-broiling a zebra steak. Cats don't often run to the oven with a mouse or bird they've captured, and a dog wouldn't naturally prepare its rabbit dinner in a stew.

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

You can put a cat in an oven, but that don't make it a biscuit.

Households that have lost the soul of cooking from their routines may not know what they are missing: the song of a stir-fry sizzle, the small talk of clinking measuring spoons, the yeasty scent of rising dough, the painting of flavors onto a pizza before it slides into the oven.

If you remember nothing else, remember this: Inspiration from outside one's self is like the heat in an oven. It makes passable Bath buns. But inspiration from within is like a volcano: It changes the face of the world.

The measuring and mixing always smoothed out her thinking processes - nothing was as calming as creaming butter - and when the kitchen was warm from the oven overheating and the smell of baking chocolate, she took final stock of where she'd been and where she was going. Everything was fine.

Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness.

It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

If I survive, I will spend my whole life at the oven door seeing that no one is denied bread and, so as to give a lesson of charity, especially those who did not bring flour.

The New Age? Its just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds.

Russian vodka is OK if you need to clean the oven. For drinking, it must henceforth be Polish.

Would we hold liberty, we must have charity- charity to others, charity to ourselves, crawling up from the moist ovens of a steaming world, still carrying the passional equipment of our ferocious ancestors, emerging from black superstition amid carnage and atrocity to our perilous present.

Just because a chicken was born in the oven doesn't make it a biscuit.

I'm more like an oven than a microwave.

Doing projects really gives people self-confidence.

Nothing is better than taking the pie out of the oven. What it does for you personally, and for your family's idea of you, is something you can't buy.

Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven.

I don't exactly know what it means to be ready.

A cake when the oven timer goes off? Am I fully baked, or only half-baked?

Baking happens with ingredients that last for months and come to life inside a warm oven. Baking is slow and leisurely.

Animals are nicer than humans and they're conscious beings.

If you stick your grandmother in an oven, she will probably be tasty. But is that any reason to eat your grandmother?

Man does not live by a turkey in every oven or a color TV set in every home.

Man lives by faith and hope and love, by the star on the horizon, by the trumpet that will not call retreat.

I've got nine kids, nine dogs, three grandkids - and one in the oven. And three parrots!

A cake is a very good test of an oven: if it browns too much on one side and not on the other, it's not your fault - you need to have your oven checked.

Like in Africa, if somebody doesn't have fuel, they're still going and collecting firewood. If they get an oven, that's a huge difference. You can do things to reduce the inequities by making sure that they can get clean energy, safe energy. To make sure they're not having to collect water every day. That's huge for women in the developing world.

I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

At Thanksgiving, my mom always makes too much food, especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes. She's got to push it during the meal. "Did you get some sweet potatoes? There's sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven, some more in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's."

I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.

My favorite comfort food would have be braised beef.

You know, beef, slow-cooked in a Dutch oven or in a slow cooker until it falls apart with simple mushrooms, some onions and lots of fresh thyme and garlic.

The kitchen oven is reliable, but it's made us lazy.

When I visited concentration camps, I was more interested in how people responded to the camps than in the actual places. I watched kids picnicking on the ovens and other people stricken with grief.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels - it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees.

The Jews talk about "never again."... You cannot say "Never again" to God because when he puts you in the oven, you're in one indeed!... "Never again" don't mean a damn thing when God get ready for you!

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