People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.— George Burns
Contentment Retirement Humor quotations
When one door closes, another one opens.
God has a plan for your retirement.
The secret of longevity... Is to keep breathing!
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.
A man can't retire his experience.
As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.
In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day.
It's either that or buy a new golf ball.
When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
In this country men seem to live for action as long as they can and sink into apathy when they retire.
I think retirement beats the heck out of life after death, that's for sure.
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made.
Sex is Number 1 of my Top-10 joys in retirement.
Number 2 is reading How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. I forgot the other eight.
Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire.
That's the new American dream.
Not so great in England at the moment;
in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.
Time is never more misspent than while we declaim against the want of it;
all our actions are then tinctured with peevishness. The yoke of life is certainly the least oppressive when we carry it with good-humor; and in the shades of rural retirement, when we have once acquired a resolution to pass our hours with economy, sorrowful lamentations on the subject of time misspent and business neglected never torture the mind.
The only real security is not insurance or money or a job, not a house and furniture paid for, or a retirement fund, and never is it another person. It is the skill and humor and courage within, the ability to build your own fires and find your own peace.
The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime.