People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.— George Burns
Colorful Retirement Jokes quotations
When you stop living at work and start working at living - retirement.
When one door closes, another one opens.
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it’s not that good.
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas.
The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
A man can't retire his experience.
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
I was thinking Im going to die but I'm not going to tap
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.
Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day.
It's either that or buy a new golf ball.
When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made.
I have joked before that there is a good chance that I might retire before Tendulkar.
I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album.
But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.
I don't do plays without jokes anymore.
I've retired from those plays. I think it's bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke.