quote by Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

— Steven Wright

Fascinating Santa Claus quotations

Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?

No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas.

No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas.

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

I actually share her view and understand her frustration when any government attempts to ban secular symbols like Santa Claus or Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or Christmas lights.

Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as they crossed the lawn. "Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods.

Physically he was the connoisseur's connoisseur.

He was a giant panda, Santa Claus and the Jolly Green Giant rolled into one. On him, a lean and slender physique would have looked like very bad casting.

No matter what, I always make it home for Christmas.

I love to go to my Tennessee Mountain Home and invite all of my nieces and nephews and their spouses and kids and do what we all like to do - eat, laugh, trade presents and just enjoy each other... and sometimes I even dress up like Santa Claus!

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.

Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.

Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you'd stay up until three in the morning. You'd hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus.

Vlad had found himself longing to encounter those of his own kind, to travel to the streets of Elysia-that far away world, but after a while it seemed more of a fairy tale than anything else. Like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, only with fangs.

Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist.

And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

One of the saddest days of my life was when my mother told me Superman did not exist. I was like what do you mean he's not real. And she thought I was crying because it’s like Santa Claus is not real and I was crying because there was no one coming with enough power to save us.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!

The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus.

It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

We have confused God with Santa Claus.

And we believe that prayer means making a list of everything you don't have but want and trying to persuade God you deserve it. Now I'm sorry, that's not God, that's Santa Claus.

If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves.

I'm Santa Claus to these hoes without a reindeer.

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus;

he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

"The only reason some of us are not exiled or thrown into prison is simply because we do not preach as fervently and as sternly as did Paul, John, Peter R.A. Torrey and others. This modern "santa claus" religion that is sweeping country today is not the religion Jesus taught and John practiced."

Postal officials say that before Christmas they receive tons of letters written to Santa Claus, but after Christmas how few letters of thanks are sent to him! From childhood onward, human beings seem to be characterized by thanklessness.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

Human life [is] ... a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait.

I'm concerned about my daughter because she will not believe in Santa Claus.

No matter what I say to her, she just doesn't buy it, and she's 2. I refuse to give it up. I say, 'There is a Santa Claus,' and she says, 'Okay, Mommy. In pretend world, right?' She really doesn't believe.

Please be informed, there is a Santa Claus.

Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven.

Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit .

.. Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental.

I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus!

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