Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.— Mark Twain
Provocative Stupid Funny quotations
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
I tried to be normal once. Worst to minutes of my life.
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.
When you are dead, you don't even know that you are dead. It's only pain for others. Same thing when you are stupid.
Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.
The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history.
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
I be goofy, kinda funny. Acting stupid but they love me.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
Worrying is stupid. It is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.
I got a lot of support from my parents.
That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.
We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.
I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor and I am only learning now stupidly that you can't read tongue. When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way.
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.
We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.
The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.
Don't let little stupid things break your happiness
You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed.
"I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.
I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.
Don’t do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset
Money is the best deodorant.
The art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means.
Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast.
I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.
Mere animals couldn’t possibly manage to act like this.
You need to be a human being to be really stupid.