Taxes Funny Quotes

Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag.

That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere.

You could not possibly maintain the current level of government taxation without the taxes being hidden, and they are hidden in two very different ways. They are hidden through withholding, but they are also hidden by being imposed on business, supposedly on business, when really, of course, business can't pay taxes, only people can pay taxes.

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person.

"Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.

I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes.

Taxes are indeed very heavy - We are taxed twice as much by our Idleness.

Three times as much by our Pride. And four times as much by our Folly.

History shows that when the taxes of a nation approach about 20 percent of the people's income, there begins to be a lack of respect for government.... When it reaches 25 percent, there comes an increase in lawlessness.

The United States has a system of taxation by confession

I have to go and say farewell to all the countries that I have been to, if I can. I am 73 now, it is taxing on me.

A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.

It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for.

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

Indecision is the key to flexibility. If at first you don't succeed, take the tax loss.

Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors.

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids

I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society.

Congratulations on your job at the bank! Yes.

You work for the bank. After taxes, your largest expense is your mortgage and credit-card debt.

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

Meeting writers is always so disappointing.

I got over wanting to meet live writers quite a long time ago. There is this terrific book that has changed your life, and then you meet the author, and he has shifty eyes and funny shoes and he won't talk about anything except the injustice of the United States income tax structure toward people with fluctuating income, or how to breed Black Angus cows, or something.

The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.

I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.