quote by Anthony Jeselnik

I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Glamorous Toilet Seat quotations

Toilet seat quote Take your seat. Live from a place of rest, peace, trust.

Take your seat. Live from a place of rest, peace, trust.

I smoke so much weed that you wouldn't believe and I get more ass then a toilet seat.

We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!

Toilet seat quote Everybody want to change the world, but nobody whats to change the toilet paper

Everybody want to change the world, but nobody whats to change the toilet paper roll.

Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.

We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat. George! Only joking, Mum.

I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you.

Bad writing is not easier than good writing.

It's just as hard to make a toilet seat as it is a castle window. Only the view is different.

Toilet seat quote Great teachers engineer learning experiences that put students in the driver's s

Great teachers engineer learning experiences that put students in the driver's seat and then get out of the way.

Online, you're providing each other with the good aspects of being together as far as communication and support, but you don't have to deal with the realities of paying bills together, or being annoyed when they leave the toilet seat up or don't put the food away in the fridge.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Toilet seat quote If you’re offered a seat on a , don’t ask what seat! Just get on.

If you’re offered a seat on a , don’t ask what seat! Just get on.

Growing up, I had a front row seat to seeing two people work really hard.

My dad scrubbed toilets at a private Catholic school for a while and that was to help me get through school.

Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

When I got my Oprah money, the first thing I bought was a really nice electronic bidet toilet seat. It just feels like this is what we should be doing. For everybody who uses it, it's like there's no goin' back.

I have always stated I designed the stadium as a toilet seat.

I don't care if this is a great cultural event or a national symbol. It has nothing to do with me. It deals with the city.

I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?

If you want to play a cool punk club, that's great - but punk clubs don't have any toilet seats. After a while, little things like that become big issues.

I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.

There is an apocalyptic view to this that is actually kind of appealing, which is the only way to kill big government is to let it kill itself. It's suicide by gluttony. Right now, the government is approaching Fat Elvis during those years in the '70s right before he croaked on the toilet seat. Basically ObamaCare is a huge tray of bacon and banana sandwiches. And it could happen in our lifetimes.

Each civilization may choose one of two roads to travel, that is, either fret itself to death, or pet itself to death. And in the course of doing one or the other, it eats its way into the Universe, turning cinders and flinders of stars into toilet seats, pegs, gears, cigarette holders and pillowcases, and it does this because, unable to fathom the Universe, it seeks to change that Fathomlessness into Something Fathomable.

We imagine much more appropriately an artisan on his toilet seat or on his wife than a great president, venerable by his demeanorand his ability. It seems to us that they do not stoop from their lofty thrones even to live.

I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat

You're asking the government to control individual morality.

This is a government that can't buy a toilet seat for under $600.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

Tell me something, Adron. Sometime you’ve never shared with anyone else. Not even Thia. (Livia) I’m the one who glued Zarina to the toilet seat when she was seven. (Adron)

All that matters to me is the man in front of me right now.

(Tory) I’m not a man, Soteria. (Acheron) I know. But if you think your godhood excuses you from putting the toilet seat down, think again. (Tory)

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