I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
— Mitch Hedberg
Stunning Vending Machines quotations
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.
If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Parents have a right to expect that their efforts at home won't be undone each day in the school cafeteria or in the vending machine in the hallway. ...Parents have a right to expect that their kids will be served fresh, healthy food that meets high nutritional standards.
I'd watch my father get up at 5 o'clock and go down to the Eastern Market in Detroit to do the shopping for his restaurant, and get that business going and then go out on his vending machine business.
The Holy Spirit's power cannot be harnessed.
His power cannot be used to accomplish anything other than the Father's will. He is not a candy dispenser. He is not a vending machine. He is not a genie waiting for someone to rub His lamp the right way. He is holy God.
Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.
We believe that God is like a giant vending machine in the sky.
We put in our requests in the form of prayers, and then the vending machine dispenses these prayers based upon how well we've followed the rules that someone else has told us are God's rules.
Congress, 535 commoditized temple monkeys pawing through the ruins of America in search of bribes. The bicameral whorehouse on Capitol Hill works like a vending machine. You put coins in the slot, select your law, and the desired legislation slides out.
We need election reform because our elections are being stolen.
And these huge powerful voting machine vending companies have privatized the election process in our country.
I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.
One simply turns to the ideological vending machine, and out comes the prepared formulae.
When all of your decisions are based on economics, you end up with a sameness of vision. You're not taking the risks, you're not exploiting the passions of your creators. You're manufacturing product for a huge vending machine.
I'm not sure I knew what an entrepreneur was when I was ten, but I knew that starting little businesses and trying to sell greeting cards or newspapers door-to-door or just vending machine kind of thing is.. there's just something very intriguing to me about that.
I don't see the government as a beverage vending machine, where anyone who happens to be thirsty can grab a drink.
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns... the writers are back!
Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic.
It is triggered easily by things - like putting a quarter in a vending machine.
It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
Change is inevitable-except from a vending machine.
Mom used to walk with me for something like two or three miles to get to the day-old bakery. They had those machines where you buy doughnuts, those vending machines with the long johns and doughnuts. We would buy those bagels and pastries because that was our treat. And come back with shopping bags of these sweets, and who knows what was in it? That was what we could afford that could feed that many people.
Some people seem to believe that for each problem there is a solution readily available - a solution that can be promptly achieved by passing a law and voting some money. I think of this as the vending machine concept of social change. Put a coin in the machine and out comes a piece of candy. If there is a social problem, pass a law and out comes a solution.
You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more.
I turned around and headed back to the stairwell, planning to go downstairs and buy a chocolate bar from the vending machine. Maybe it would fall on me and end my misery.
Vending Machine: "This product has no known nutritional value and may cause irritability or wakefulness in some individuals. Please enjoy your selection and your day." Eve: "Up yours.