Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

— Bruce Lansky

The most bumbling Bruce Lansky quotes to discover and learn by heart

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

32

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety.

I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

17

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

11

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing.

Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

10

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

10

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

8

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

5

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it.

When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

3

The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.

0

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

0

The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

0

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

0

About Bruce Lansky

Quotes 16 sayings
Profession Author
Birthday 1941

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

0

You always nag the one you love

0

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.

0