I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.— Charlie Sheen
The most jittery Charlie Sheen quotes to discover and learn by heart
We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show.
I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.
Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.
I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.
Best way to not get your heart broken, is pretend you don't have one.
People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.
The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.
I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.
The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread.
This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.
I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.
You can't criticize Bob Dylan's singing.
You have to respect Billy Joel as a brilliant poet. You can't tell me there's a better rock band ever than Led Zeppelin. And if you speak during the Eagles' "Last Resort," we're done. I'm just asking for seven minutes. This stuff really matters, you know.
I have defeated this earthworm with my words.
Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.
There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.
I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes.
And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.
I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.
I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.
I gotta take the baton from Chuck Norris.
You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.
I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.
What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class.
My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money.
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?
But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.
Can't is the cancer of happening.
I don't sleep. I wait. I sleep in cars and on couches. I sleep when I can, but when I can't sleep, I just don't, so I figure there's a higher calling keeping me on point that night.
I was born dead. Yeah, the umbilical cord was like, floppy baby, the whole thing. Yeah, it was bad.
I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.
The only thing I'm addicted to is winning.
This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.
You can't process me with a normal brain.
I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?
Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.
I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.
Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.
Im a peaceful man with bad intentions.
I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer - I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.
Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.
Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.
Steroids build your muscles, but they don't build your tendons or ligaments.
Dying is for fools. I'm proud of what I created. I exposed people to magic. I exposed people to things they would never see in their normal lives.
Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into that business.
I dare anyone to spend 10 years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre's hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami.
You have this great big fantasy life, and it looks like a non-stop 24/7 party.
But what do you do when you get to the end of the Internet and there's nothing left to buy? There's just a picture of Wayne Newton flipping you off.
I’m done with the winning cause I’ve already won.
I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?
I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets.
It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns.
I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has.
So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.
I've fallen for you like a blind roofer.
I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.