We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

— Henry Cloud

The most tremendous Henry Cloud quotes to get the best of your day

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.

' Love respects 'no,' control does not.


Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.


The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.


Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.


Boundaries are basically about providing structure, and structure is essential in building anything that thrives.


We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.


The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.


Dont use all-or-nothing thinking. Take each day as its own day, and dont worry about it if you mess up one day. The most important thing you can do is just get back up on the horse.


If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.


The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!


Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.


If you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy and you have to be connected to a community that is doing what you want to do.


About Henry Cloud

Quotes 91 sayings
Profession Clinical psychologist
Birthday 1956

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.


For someone's character to grow, it has to be free from internal attack.

Falling down never stopped children from developing. But getting yelled at, criticized, and put down can stop them for life.


When truth presents itself, the wise person see the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments. The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.


There is a difference between solitude and isolation.

One is connected and one isn't. Solitude replenishes, isolation diminishes.


True intimacy is only build around the freedom to disagree.


Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.


One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.


The physicality of a real relationship - one that encompasses mind, body and soul - ultimately makes it more fulfilling and powerful than any virtual relationship ever could be.


A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.


The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.


Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other's space and are champions of each other's causes.


The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged.

We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.


Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.


Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are.

If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.


Confronting an irresponsible person is not painful to him; only consequences are.


To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.


Endings are a part of life, and we are actually wired to execute them.

But because of trauma, developmental failures, and other reasons, we shy away from the steps that could open up whole new worlds of development and growth.


Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.


There is a big difference between hurt and harm.

We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.


We need rest not just so we feel better.

We need rest for actual creation of what we're going to need the next day.


Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs.

The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.


Independence is not an option for us. Remember, God existed without us.


Who a person is will ultimately determine if their brains, talents, competencies, energy, effort, deal-making abilities, and opportunities will succeed.


Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating.

There is more to life than finding a date.


Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.


That is why success and fruitfulness depend as much upon focusing on the "who" you are as much as the "what" of the work you do. Invest in your character, and it will give you the returns that you are looking for by only investing in the work itself. You can't do the latter without the former.


Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else.

Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.


If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath.

But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.


People tend to look at dating sort of like a safari - like they're trying to land the trophy.


In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership.

When you are ridiculously in charge, then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.


Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is.


Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.


A culture is like an immune system. It operates through the laws of systems, just like a body. If a body has an infection, the immune system deals with it. Similarly, a group enforces its norms, either actively or passively.


I'm not an expert in the sociological realities of all the pastors in the world, but I would say that there are some very, very positive things about the state of integrity in church leaders.


One of the worst things you can die with is potential.


You aren't alive if you aren't in need.


To grow, we need things that we do not have and cannot provide, and we need to have a source of those things who looks favorably upon us and who does things for us for our own good.