5+ Jack Handey Quotes And Sayings

Following is our list of the best Jack Handey quotes and sayings.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. — Jack Handey

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. — Jack Handey

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.' — Jack Handey

The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, What am I doing?! — Jack Handey

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go hey, I'm Vine Man. — Jack Handey