Introduction

What are the best Erma Bombeck quotes? Erma Bombeck quotations on children, humor, housework, car, food are those that make this journalist famous. Here you can read the most famous quotes by Erma Bombeck sorted by user likes.

Best Erma Bombeck quotes

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

  • Bravery

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

  • Success

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

  • Doctors

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me..

  • Talent



There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  • Children

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

  • Guilt

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  • comedy

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

  • Children

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what!

  • Women

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

  • Children

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

  • Comedy

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

  • Exercise

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

  • beaches

Housework can kill you if done right.

  • chores

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.

  • Communication

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

  • Control

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

  • mom

Never accept a drink from a Urologist.

  • AlcoholAlcoholism

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

  • Nudity

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18 years

  • Parenting

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

  • humor

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  • marriage

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

  • design

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

  • Argument

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

  • Housework

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

  • Housework

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

  • Housework

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

  • Thanksgiving

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

  • life

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  • awake


Erma Bombeck quotes images

What are the best Erma Bombeck images quotes?


Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. - Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.


It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. - Erma Bombeck

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.


A child needs your love most when they deserve it least. - Erma Bombeck

A child needs your love most when they deserve it least.


When I stand before god at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me. - Erma Bombeck

When I stand before god at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.


Where is Erma Bombeck from? Erma Bombeck is American. A recognized journalist. The following quotations and images represent the American peculiarities embed in Erma Bombeck's character.

What Erma Bombeck was famous for? Erma Bombeck is famous journalist with many good quotes. Wise sayings can be accessed and memorized. Erma Bombeck is well-known and respected in American society.

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Erma Bombeck quotes about children

What are the best children quotations by Erma Bombeck?

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  • Children

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

  • Children

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

  • Children

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

  • admit

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  • anything

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  • carpet

Never have more children than you have car windows.

  • funny

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

  • bed

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  • bravery

More children quotes or go to table of contents


Erma Bombeck quotes about humor

What are the best humor quotations by Erma Bombeck?

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  • comedy

Housework can kill you if done right.

  • chores

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

  • humor

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

  • Humor

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

  • food

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

  • housekeeping

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?

  • humor

When your mother asks, Do you want a piece of advice? it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

  • family

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Erma Bombeck quotes about housework

What are the best housework quotations by Erma Bombeck?

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

  • Housework

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

  • Housework

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

  • Housework

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

  • housework

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

  • block

More housework quotes or go to table of contents


Erma Bombeck quotes about car

What are the best car quotations by Erma Bombeck?

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  • marriage

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

  • bathroom

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

  • carpe

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  • carpet

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

  • car

Never have more children than you have car windows.

  • funny

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

  • car

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

  • cars

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Erma Bombeck quotes about food

What are the best food quotations by Erma Bombeck?

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

  • carpe

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

  • food

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

  • food

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

  • food

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More quotes by Erma Bombeck

Want some more good quotations by Erma Bombeck?

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

  • dreams

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

  • sure

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

  • affairs

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

  • bathroom



People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

  • allow

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

  • funny

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

  • confidence

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

  • carpe

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

  • age

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

  • chores

We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.

  • Equality

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

  • Family

When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of father is that? If you

  • Father

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

  • Humor

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  • Thanksgiving

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!'

  • Women

I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.

  • Youth

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

  • admit

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

  • child

God created man, but I could do better.

  • created

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

  • asked

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

  • marriage

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

  • die

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

  • affair

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

  • sports

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

  • laugh

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  • anything

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

  • food

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  • carpet

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

  • alone

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

  • car

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

  • anyone

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

  • lasts

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

  • medical

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

  • bad

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

  • housework

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

  • attending

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

  • blow

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

  • clothes

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

  • accent

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

  • entertaining

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

  • graduation

Never have more children than you have car windows.

  • funny

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

  • food

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

  • bed

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

  • car

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

  • baseball

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

  • brown

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

  • box

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

  • arrive

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

  • cup

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  • barking

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

  • advice

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

  • mom

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

  • anyone

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

  • age

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

  • birthday

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

  • boyfriend

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

  • bracelet

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

  • answered

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

  • anything

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

  • cars

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

  • block

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

  • buried

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

  • body

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

  • food

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.

  • afterlife

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  • bravery

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

  • housekeeping

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?

  • humor

When your mother asks, Do you want a piece of advice? it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

  • family

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Journalists similar to Erma Bombeck

Which journalist has the best quotes? Top quotes from famous journalists like the following.


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Erma Bombeck favorite topics

Erma Bombeck is famous for his passion for children, humor, housework, car, food. Check out great quotations and affirmations.


Conclusion

That were all of the 101 Erma Bombeck quotes. Maybe some questions are in your head.

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When Erma Bombeck was born? Erma Bombeck was born on February 21, 1927.

Who is Erma Bombeck? Erma Bombeck biography. Erma Louise Bombeck, born Erma Fiste, was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for a newspaper column that depicted suburban home life humorously, in the second half of the 20th century.For 31 years since 1965, Erma Bombeck published 4,000 newspaper articles. Already in the 1970s, her witty columns were read, twice weekly, by thirty million readers of 900 newspapers of USA and Canada. Besides, the majority of her 15 books became instant best sellers.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best Erma Bombeck quotes
Top 10 quotes by Erma Bombeck

Part 3
Erma Bombeck quotes images

Part 4
Children
Humor
Housework
Car
Food
All quotes

Part 5
Similar Journalists

Part 6
Favorite topics

Part 7
Conclusion

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