What are the best Erma Bombeck quotes?

Accurate and famous quotes by Erma Bombeck. Children, humor, life, child, food are the favorite topics of this American humorist. Read the best of all time and enjoy Top 10 lists, which can be shared with your friends and family.


  1. It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.


  2. Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.


  3. There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.


  4. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.


  5. Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.


  6. There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.


  7. It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.


  8. Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what!


  9. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

    • children

  10. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.


  11. On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.


  12. It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.


  13. Housework can kill you if done right.


  14. It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.


  15. Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

    • comedy

  16. Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.


  17. I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18 years


  18. My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.


  19. Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.


  20. Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.


  21. When humor goes, there goes civilization.


  22. If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.


  23. Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

    • chores

  24. My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

    • housework

  25. My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.


  26. Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.


  27. Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.


  28. People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.


  29. It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.


  30. I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.



Top 10 quotes by Erma Bombeck

  1. Top 10 quotes
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Erma Bombeck image quotes

What are the best Erma Bombeck images quotes? Read and bookmark finest sayings from Erma Bombeck, embed as quotes on beautiful images. Those images have children quotes, humor quotes, life quotes, child quotes, food quotes.


  1. Picture quote by Erma Bombeck about moment

    Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.


  2. Picture quote by Erma Bombeck about courage

    It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.


  3. Picture quote by Erma Bombeck about love

    A child needs your love most when they deserve it least.


  4. Picture quote by Erma Bombeck about religion

    When I stand before god at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.


That are top sayings from Erma Bombeck as picture quotes. Access more quotations by Erma Bombeck with images on Pinterest.

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About Erma Bombeck

Name Erma Bombeck
About Erma Louise Bombeck, born Erma Fiste, was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for a newspaper column that depicted suburban home life h
Quotes 95 quotes
Nationality American
Profession Humorist
Birthday February 21, 1927
Top topics children, humor, life, child, food

Where is Erma Bombeck from? Erma Bombeck is American who said awesome wise words. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Erma Bombeck's character.

What Erma Bombeck was famous for? Erma Bombeck is famous humorist with many good quotes. Influential and well recognized humorist all over the world. Browse a lot of Erma Bombeck books and reference books with quotes from Erma Bombeck on Amazon.


What are the best children quotes by Erma Bombeck?


  1. There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

    • awake

  2. It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

    • children

  3. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

    • children

  4. Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.


  5. In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.


  6. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.


  7. Never have more children than you have car windows.


  8. No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.


  9. Children make your life important.


More children quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best humor quotes by Erma Bombeck?


  1. There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

    • comedy

  2. Housework can kill you if done right.

    • chores

  3. When humor goes, there goes civilization.

    • humor

  4. Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

    • humor

  5. I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food


  6. I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.


  7. Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?

    • humor

More humor quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best life quotes by Erma Bombeck?


  1. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

    • life

  2. I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

    • affairs

  3. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.


  4. Children make your life important.

    • life

More life quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best child quotes by Erma Bombeck?


  1. There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

    • awake

  2. It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

    • children

  3. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

    • children

  4. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

    • child

  5. Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.


  6. When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.


More child quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best food quotes by Erma Bombeck?


  1. Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

    • carpe

  2. I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

    • food

  3. Never order food in excess of your body weight.

    • food

  4. I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

    • food

More food quotes or go to table of contents


More quotes by Erma Bombeck

Want some more good quotations by Erma Bombeck? Explore the rest of 95 sayings by Erma Bombeck.


Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.


What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?


When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

  • life

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.


Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

  • housework

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

  • funny

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?


I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

  • housekeeping

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

  • child

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

  • alone

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.


I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.


In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  • anything

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.


When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of father is that? If you


I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

  • food

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.


God created man, but I could do better.


Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.


Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.


For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.


Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

  • admit

Never have more children than you have car windows.

  • funny

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

  • humor

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

  • anything

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.


House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.


I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.


Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.


When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  • barking

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

  • age

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.


All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  • carpet

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  • thanksgiving

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.


Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

  • mom

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.


A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.


I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.


Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?

  • humor

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.


If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.


I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.


Never order food in excess of your body weight.

  • food

We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.


In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.


For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

  • marriage

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.


There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.


Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

  • anyone

Children make your life important.

  • life

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

  • housework

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

  • food

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.


A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.


Never accept a drink from a urologist.


Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.


Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.


My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!'

  • women

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.


What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?


No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

  • bed

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.


Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

  • car

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.


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Humorists similar to Erma Bombeck

Which humorist has the best quotes? Top quotes from famous humorists like the following.


Erma Bombeck favorite topics

Erma Bombeck is famous for his passion about children, humor, life, child, food. Check out great quotations and affirmations on these topics.


Conclusion

That were all of the 95 quotes from Erma Bombeck. Maybe some questions are in your head.

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When was Erma Bombeck birthday? Erma Bombeck was born on February 21, 1927.

Who is Erma Bombeck? Some facts about Erma Bombeck from biography. umorously, in the second half of the 20th century.For 31 years since 1965, Erma Bombeck published 4,000 newspaper articles. Already in the 1970s, her witty columns were read, twice weekly, by thirty million readers of 900 newspapers of USA and Canada. Besides, the majority of her 15 books became instant best sellers.... Read more about Erma Bombeck on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Erma Bombeck on YouTube. Browse a lot of books about Erma Bombeck on Amazon to get more reference.

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