109+ Robert Orben Quotes On Education, World And Comedy

Robert Orben was an American entertainer, writer, and producer. He was best known for his work as a joke writer, writing jokes for comedians such as Bob Hope, Phyllis Diller, and Red Skelton. He was also the author of several books of jokes, gags, and quotations. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Robert Orben on life, leadership, love.

Top 10 Robert Orben Quotes

1. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
2. If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
3. There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
4. A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
5. Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
6. Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
7. Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
8. The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
9. A compliment is verbal sunshine.
10. The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

Robert Orben Short Quotes

• To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
• These are the days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
• Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
• Individuality' is the key to success.
• Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
• What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
• Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
• I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
• Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Robert Orben Quotes About Life

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. — Robert Orben

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools! — Robert Orben

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five. — Robert Orben

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change." — Robert Orben

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice. — Robert Orben

Robert Orben Quotes About World

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there. — Robert Orben

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world. — Robert Orben

Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world. — Robert Orben

THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin. — Robert Orben

Robert Orben Quotes About People

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. — Robert Orben

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay. — Robert Orben

Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure. — Robert Orben

Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get. — Robert Orben

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence. — Robert Orben

Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it. — Robert Orben

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. — Robert Orben

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets. — Robert Orben

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be. — Robert Orben

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. — Robert Orben

Robert Orben Quotes About Health

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away. — Robert Orben

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away. — Robert Orben

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper. — Robert Orben

Robert Orben Quotes About Work

If you can laugh together, you can work together. — Robert Orben

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse. — Robert Orben

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane. — Robert Orben

Robert Orben Quotes About Taxes

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. — Robert Orben

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. — Robert Orben

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. — Robert Orben

Robert Orben Famous Quotes And Sayings

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. — Robert Orben

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? — Robert Orben

Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence. — Robert Orben

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet. — Robert Orben

Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing. — Robert Orben

Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician. — Robert Orben

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches. — Robert Orben

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. — Robert Orben

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it. — Robert Orben

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet. — Robert Orben

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread. — Robert Orben

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. — Robert Orben

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!' — Robert Orben

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip. — Robert Orben

We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories. — Robert Orben

It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls. — Robert Orben

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name! — Robert Orben

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer. — Robert Orben

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it. — Robert Orben

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years. — Robert Orben

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth. — Robert Orben

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose. — Robert Orben

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise. — Robert Orben

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age. — Robert Orben

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace. — Robert Orben

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!! — Robert Orben

If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters. — Robert Orben

It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke. — Robert Orben

An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions. — Robert Orben

Time flies. Its up to you to be the navigator — Robert Orben

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper? — Robert Orben

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy. — Robert Orben

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success. — Robert Orben

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning. — Robert Orben

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left. — Robert Orben

New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all! — Robert Orben

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them. — Robert Orben

The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow. — Robert Orben

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem. — Robert Orben

President Ford used humor a great deal. — Robert Orben

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there. — Robert Orben

To exercise is human; not to is divine. — Robert Orben

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. — Robert Orben

Humor is a marvelous communications tool, as Reagan has demonstrated so well. He has weathered many a storm that others might not have. With Reagan, people just say, 'There he goes again.' A sense of humor allows a president to back off a little from the tensions of the moment and take a calmer view of things. — Robert Orben

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature. — Robert Orben

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces? — Robert Orben

Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists? — Robert Orben

Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor. — Robert Orben

It always seems to someone outside the business that it is very difficult to write for a comedy show because it must be done quickly. Actually, it is much easier to write this humor than to do a joke or a show from scratch, because the audience knows the plot. Just mention what is going on and then deliver the punch line. — Robert Orben

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. — Robert Orben

As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics. — Robert Orben

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around. — Robert Orben

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke? — Robert Orben

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings? — Robert Orben

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God. — Robert Orben

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen. — Robert Orben

Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.' — Robert Orben

When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh. — Robert Orben

You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair. — Robert Orben

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published. — Robert Orben

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?' — Robert Orben

Life Lessons by Robert Orben

1. Robert Orben taught that life is too short to take too seriously, and that it's important to find humor in everyday situations.
2. He also taught that it's important to take risks and be creative in order to achieve success.
3. Finally, Orben stressed the importance of having a positive attitude and believing in yourself, no matter what obstacles you may face.