These are the days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy.
For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Time flies. Its up to you to be the navigator
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.