Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.— Bob Newhart
The most sensual Bob Newhart quotes that are glad to read
I think you should be a child for as long as you can.
I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.
I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren.
If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.
It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.
There's gratification in making somebody laugh.
It's a wonderful sound. I find myself, to this day, doing it, wanting to make people laugh.
I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.
Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.
Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.
Marriage and fatherhood heighten the disillusion that we all think we are born handy. We confidently believe that we can fix things around the house, as if it's part of the collective brain that was further enhanced by eighth-grade shop class.
But I really believe that if you have the ability, there is an obligation to make people laugh
I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection.
Even though youre poking fun at someone or something, theres still an affection for it.
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter.
I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.
I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.
I don't know how many sacred cows there are today.
I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.
The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play.
I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors.
I wasn't much good. When I went into the line on a fake - I would holler 'I don't have it!'
When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years.
I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity.
Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic.
I really don't know what makes a comedian.
I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line.
It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.
Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work.
He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.
I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.
You should have a value system. You can win if you stick with your value system.
More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.
The problem is that we live in an uptight country.
Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it.
I gave up accounting. I went in for about six months writing ad copy. I was fired from that, and then another guy and I did a kind of poor man's Bob and Ray kind of syndicated radio show. Then I decided to stick it out and see what happened. I'd give it a year, a year became two years, and then two years became three years, and then along came the record album.
I'm one of those passengers who arrives at the airport five or six hours early so I can throw back a few drinks and muster up the courage to board the plane. Apparently I'm not alone because I've never been in an empty airport bar. I don't care what time you get there. Even at 8:00 a.m. you have to fight your way to the bar. At that hour, everyone drinks Bloody Marys so no one can tell it's booze- at least until they fall off their chair.
You never know when you'll come upon something and it's going to be fodder for new material.
Doormen are kind of invisible, people don't know their names.
They just say, Thank you, or Good morning. I'd never thought about doormen before. They're a vanishing breed. More electronic doors are being introduced.
I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head.
Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, Why is that person staring at me?
The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can't destroy it.
I was never a Certified Public Accountant.
.. I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.
I think everyone probably starts out sounding like someone else, but gradually you develop your own sound.
As an actor, you generally want to see the other actor's face.
I couldn't play off people that I don't personally like.
You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
I don't want to find the secret. I'm afraid all the joy will go out of it if I find the secret.
One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss.
It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.
There are a lot of questions I keep asking myself about why I do comedy.
I guess I laugh to keep from crying. And I guess if you ever get me crying, I might not stop. This is the way I look at tragedy or else I'll cry.
The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.
Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.
I kind of do it in my head, then I'll try pieces of it on stage and if it looks promising, I'll put it together.
I never had an aversion because I was active in the drama club.
If I had that aversion I certainly wouldn't put myself in the position of being on stage. Of course, in the drama club you're hiding behind a character.
I don't have a show anymore. I don't have a check coming in every week. This is important to me, I got to score a million tonight or it could all be over.
One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.