110+ Steve Martin Quotes (Funny, Witty And Iconic)

Steve Martin is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and musician. He began his career as a stand-up comedian and later became a successful actor and writer. He is best known for his roles in films such as The Jerk, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and Father of the Bride.

Top 10 Steve Martin Quotes

1. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
2. Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
3. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
4. I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
5. I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.
6. Be so good they can't ignore you.
7. Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.
8. Relationships end, but they don't end your life.
9. I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
10. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Steve Martin Image Quotes

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. — Steve Martin

Steve Martin Short Quotes

• First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
• A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
• All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
• What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
• I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
• Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
• Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
• Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
• It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts.
• Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Steve Martin Famous Quotes And Sayings

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. — Steve Martin

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it. — Steve Martin

When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut. — Steve Martin

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well. — Steve Martin

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. — Steve Martin

Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it's almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync. — Steve Martin

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful. — Steve Martin

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do. — Steve Martin

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you. — Steve Martin

Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration. — Steve Martin

I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. — Steve Martin

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies. — Steve Martin

You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, "Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny. — Steve Martin

Well, excuuuuuse me!!!! — Steve Martin

... you're nuts but you're welcome here. — Steve Martin

...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs. — Steve Martin

I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups. — Steve Martin

Anyone who's ever worked with Meryl Streep always says the same thing: can that woman act! And what's with all the Hitler memorabilia? — Steve Martin

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer. — Steve Martin

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care. — Steve Martin

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. — Steve Martin

I'm not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price. — Steve Martin

You know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener! — Steve Martin

When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane. — Steve Martin

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. — Steve Martin

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty. — Steve Martin

introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness — Steve Martin

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch. — Steve Martin

So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure. — Steve Martin

Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised. — Steve Martin

The Apple Pie Hubbub was a significant novel for me, because that's when I first started using verbs. — Steve Martin

I'm not a human being. I'm despicable and disgusting - but that's where the money is. — Steve Martin

I can't smell moth balls, I find it too difficult to get their tiny legs apart — Steve Martin

If he thinks he would harm Mirabelle, he would back away. But he does not yet understand when and how people are hurt. He doesn't understand the subtleties of slights and pains, that it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart. — Steve Martin

...it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart. — Steve Martin

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair. — Steve Martin

I like what a third man brings. A kind of oblique vision, seeing something in the material that you didn't know was there. As a comedian, I'm always listening to the audience. And in movies, sometimes the only audience you have is the producer and the director. I like having someone else's opinion, especially if you're on the same wavelength. — Steve Martin

To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American. — Steve Martin

If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life. — Steve Martin

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer. And the joy of writing, when you're writing from your subconscious, is beautiful - it's thrilling. When you're editing, which is your conscious mind, it's like torture. — Steve Martin

I try not to think about legacy because it is all ­folly. If you study history, even recent history, you'll find many people who were quite significant in their time but are completely forgotten. — Steve Martin

Comedy is not pretty. — Steve Martin

I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on. — Steve Martin

It's funny that some ideas start with a little "What if?" and then suddenly you're spending a million dollars to shoot the scene and hoping that it works. — Steve Martin

I can juggle. I started juggling as a kid. And when I worked at Disneyland, I knew a juggler there named Christopher Faire, and he taught me how to juggle. I used it in my comedy act for a while. — Steve Martin

It's not what you know, it's what you think you know. — Steve Martin

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready. — Steve Martin

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars — Steve Martin

I will do anything to look like him - except, of course, exercise or eat right. — Steve Martin

Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment. — Steve Martin

I just wanted to be in show business. I didn't care if I was going to be an actor or a magician or what. Comedy was a point of the least resistance, really. And on the simplest level, I loved comedy. — Steve Martin

All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies. — Steve Martin

His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, “for what? — Steve Martin

[her] mind blackens. The blackness is not a thought, but if it could be pressed into a thought, if a chemical from a dropper could be dripped onto it causing its color and essence to become visible, it would take the shape of this sentence: Why does no one want me? — Steve Martin

When people ask me, ‘how do you make it in show business,’ or whatever, what I always tell them — and nobody ever takes note of it ‘cuz it’s not the answer they wanted to hear…but I always say, ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’ — Steve Martin

I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. — Steve Martin

I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress. — Steve Martin

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management. — Steve Martin

I don't really manage my time. I really just wait until I'm inspired to do something. And when I'm inspired to do something, it just happens. — Steve Martin

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey — Steve Martin

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart? — Steve Martin

The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream. — Steve Martin

There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling. — Steve Martin

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. — Steve Martin

I was very vulnerable to criticism for many years. I could read a bad review and remember it my whole life. — Steve Martin

I'm 48. For a while after 'The Jerk' (movie) I had a feeling of failure. I was a little scared. First people discover you and they love you. You get big and then you fail. And people are glad that you fail. But I've always come back and I've started to trust myself. — Steve Martin

Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good! — Steve Martin

There's a big difference between the National Book Awards and the Academy Awards. At the Academy Awards you can feel the greed and envy and ego. Whereas the National Book Awards are in New York. — Steve Martin

I happened to take a photo, and there was my wife, my dog and my banjo, all in the same shot - and I thought, "Oh, that's like a family portrait right there." — Steve Martin

If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much. — Steve Martin

It [live performance] is just very difficult. Doing an hour, hour and a half of live standup is an endurance test. You almost have to do it every day to stay up on it. — Steve Martin

You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours. — Steve Martin

Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing. — Steve Martin

It's horrible for someone to listen to someone learning any instrument - when I was first learning the banjo, I used to have to go out and sit in the car, and even in the summertime I'd have to roll up the windows. Because you just couldn't practice a banjo or a fiddle with other people around. Unless they're being paid. — Steve Martin

I couldn't see his face, because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said, "I am Picasso." And I said, "Well, so what? — Steve Martin

...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums. — Steve Martin

It's pain that changes our lives. — Steve Martin

I didn't worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger. — Steve Martin

I'm not Vegas. Places I play usually cost like $3 to get in, you know, and people are going: Gee, I've got $3, I think I'll throw it away. — Steve Martin

The course was more plodding than heroic: I did not strive valiantly against doubters but took incremental steps studded with a few intuitive leaps. — Steve Martin

I do think that animated films have the ability to touch you someplace. There is something about live action movies that is different because we know the characters are real people, so they always stay flawed for us somehow. But animated films touch us in a very clear, uncomplicated place. They have that ability. And an animated character can make an expression in a way humans can't do. — Steve Martin

There are few takers for the quiet heart. — Steve Martin

A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true. — Steve Martin

I had loved magic tricks from the time I was six or seven. I bought books on magic. I did magic acts for my parents and their friends. I was aiming for show business from early days, and magic was the poor man's way of getting in: you buy a trick for $2, and you've got an act. — Steve Martin

He gave her his phone number, in a peculiar reversal of dating procedure. She might have considered kissing him, even after the horrible first date, but he just didn’t seem to know what to do. However, Jeremy does have one outstanding quality. He likes her. And this quality in a person makes them infinitely interesting to the person who is being liked. — Steve Martin

Comedians don`t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can`t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance. — Steve Martin

Any type of humor can be transferred to the screen, as long as there's clarity. The audience wants to know just what they're supposed to be feeling, when they're supposed to laugh. — Steve Martin

She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me. — Steve Martin

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it. — Steve Martin

I choose a project based on whether it feels worthwhile working on when it comes to me. But secondly I choose it if it sounds like fun. Projects are determined by just how they strike me at the moment, as they have done throughout my whole life. — Steve Martin

Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, "This is only published because he's a celebrity." — Steve Martin

Life Lessons by Steve Martin

1. Steve Martin teaches us that hard work and dedication can lead to success, no matter what field you are in. He started out as a stand-up comedian and worked his way up to becoming an actor, writer, and musician.
2. He also emphasizes the importance of staying humble and being able to laugh at yourself. He has a great sense of humor and is able to make light of situations, which is an invaluable skill.
3. Lastly, Steve Martin encourages us to take risks and never be afraid to try something new. He has tried his hand at many different things and has found success in each one.