Quotes by American Comedian Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers. Steven Wright

I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it. Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Steven Wright

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Steven Wright
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I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. Steven Wright

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. Steven Wright
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Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright


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