Quotes by American Comedian Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. Steven Wright


Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers. Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Steven Wright

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Steven Wright

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. Steven Wright
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I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it. Steven Wright


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