110+ Bob Hope Quotes On Age, Religion And Funny

Bob Hope was an American actor, comedian, singer, and dancer. He was well known for his numerous appearances in vaudeville, on Broadway, in radio, television, and film. He was also known for his long career in the USO, entertaining troops during World War II, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Bob Hope on age, religion, funny.

Top 10 Bob Hope Quotes

1. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
2. I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
3. No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties
4. My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
5. I have always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
6. I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
7. When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
8. The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
9. The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
10. I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Bob Hope Image Quotes

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. — Bob Hope

Bob Hope Short Quotes

• If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
• He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
• I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
• I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
• I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
• People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
• I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
• Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.
• I do benefits for all religions -- I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
• I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

Bob Hope Quotes About Age

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up. — Bob Hope

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. — Bob Hope

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason. — Bob Hope

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. — Bob Hope

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun. — Bob Hope

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. — Bob Hope

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time. — Bob Hope

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning. — Bob Hope

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type. — Bob Hope

I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap. — Bob Hope

Bob Hope Quotes About Funny

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles. — Bob Hope

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. — Bob Hope

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens. — Bob Hope

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage. — Bob Hope

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo. — Bob Hope

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas. — Bob Hope

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage. — Bob Hope

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes. — Bob Hope

Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one. — Bob Hope

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table. — Bob Hope

Bob Hope Quotes About Entertaining

Television is the box they buried entertainment in. — Bob Hope

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six. — Bob Hope

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees. — Bob Hope

Bob Hope Quotes About Love

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens. — Bob Hope

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. — Bob Hope

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. — Bob Hope

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better. — Bob Hope

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it. — Bob Hope

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns. — Bob Hope

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark! — Bob Hope

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. — Bob Hope

Bob Hope Quotes About Place

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it. — Bob Hope

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members. — Bob Hope

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money. — Bob Hope

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far. — Bob Hope

Bob Hope Famous Quotes And Sayings

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. — Bob Hope

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -- not the great occasions -- that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness. — Bob Hope

I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny. — Bob Hope

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support? — Bob Hope

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns. — Bob Hope

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House. — Bob Hope

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. — Bob Hope

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. — Bob Hope

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction. — Bob Hope

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags. — Bob Hope

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer. — Bob Hope

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass. — Bob Hope

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in. — Bob Hope

With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films. — Bob Hope

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands — Bob Hope

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls. — Bob Hope

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it. — Bob Hope

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed. — Bob Hope

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink. — Bob Hope

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued. — Bob Hope

I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club. — Bob Hope

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers. — Bob Hope

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other! — Bob Hope

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees. — Bob Hope

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost. — Bob Hope

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing. — Bob Hope

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show. — Bob Hope

As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete." — Bob Hope

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot. — Bob Hope

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at. — Bob Hope

Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing! — Bob Hope

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. — Bob Hope

After the 1984 Summer Olympics, Reagan wanted to add the U.S. volleyball team to his Cabinet. He figured if they can't shove his programs down Congress' throat, nobody can. — Bob Hope

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. — Bob Hope

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons. — Bob Hope

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun? — Bob Hope

Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself -- the Bank of America. — Bob Hope

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score. — Bob Hope

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead. — Bob Hope

Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top. — Bob Hope

Your ignorance cramps my conversation — Bob Hope

My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade. — Bob Hope

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people. — Bob Hope

It gave dirty politics a bad name. — Bob Hope

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much. — Bob Hope

It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away. — Bob Hope

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke. — Bob Hope

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series. — Bob Hope

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in. — Bob Hope

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me. — Bob Hope

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one. — Bob Hope

One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever. — Bob Hope

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there. — Bob Hope

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green — Bob Hope

I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell. — Bob Hope

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf. — Bob Hope

Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything. — Bob Hope

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking. — Bob Hope

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough. — Bob Hope

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world. — Bob Hope

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. " — Bob Hope

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. About Russia — Bob Hope

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA! — Bob Hope

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that? — Bob Hope

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.' — Bob Hope

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else. — Bob Hope

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots. — Bob Hope

Life Lessons by Bob Hope

1. Bob Hope taught us to always stay positive and optimistic, no matter what life throws at us. He also showed us the importance of having a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves. Lastly, he demonstrated the power of resilience and perseverance, no matter how difficult the situation.