110+ George Burns Quotes On Aging, Marriage And Family

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Top 10 George Burns Quotes (BEST)

  1. I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
  2. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
  3. I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
  4. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
  5. There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
  6. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
  7. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
  8. It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
  9. I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
  10. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns Image Quotes

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quote by George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. — George Burns

quote by George Burns

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. — George Burns

George Burns Short Quotes

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  • I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.
  • I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
  • Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
  • Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  • Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
  • I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
  • I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
  • With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
  • I get a standing ovation just standing
  • I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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George Burns Quotes On Aging

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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. — George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. — George Burns

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. — George Burns

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. — George Burns

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. — George Burns

Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods. — George Burns

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. — George Burns

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. — George Burns

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile. — George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. — George Burns

George Burns Quotes On Love

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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there. — George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. — George Burns

There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed. — George Burns

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better. — George Burns

My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living. — George Burns

Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age. — George Burns

When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age. — George Burns

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it. — George Burns

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away. — George Burns

Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town. — George Burns

George Burns Quotes On Life

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Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. — George Burns

Life's but a day at most. — George Burns

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it. — George Burns

In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life. — George Burns

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes. — George Burns

George Burns Quotes On Made

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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. — George Burns

Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it. — George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made. — George Burns

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. — George Burns

George Burns Quotes On People

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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.' — George Burns

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price. — George Burns

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . . — George Burns

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys. — George Burns

Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks. — George Burns

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver. — George Burns

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working. — George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. — George Burns

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. — George Burns

I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school. — George Burns

George Burns Famous Quotes And Sayings

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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights. — George Burns

quote by George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. — George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. — George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. — George Burns

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. — George Burns

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral. — George Burns

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself. — George Burns

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men. — George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. — George Burns

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. — George Burns

Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net. — George Burns

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too. — George Burns

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang. — George Burns

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. — George Burns

As long as you're working, you stay young. — George Burns

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides. — George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. — George Burns

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet. — George Burns

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train. — George Burns

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line. — George Burns

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles. — George Burns

Be quick to learn and wise to know. — George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. — George Burns

In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy. — George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. — George Burns

At my age flowers scare me. — George Burns

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. — George Burns

I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down. — George Burns

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives. — George Burns

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. — George Burns

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere. — George Burns

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night. — George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. — George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. — George Burns

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect. — George Burns

How can I die? I'm booked. — George Burns

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner. — George Burns

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women. — George Burns

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years. — George Burns

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch! — George Burns

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl. — George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. — George Burns

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned. — George Burns

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries. — George Burns

Say Goodnight Gracie. — George Burns

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot. — George Burns

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left — George Burns

I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up. — George Burns

When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame. — George Burns

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. — George Burns

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to. — George Burns

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. — George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money. — George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. — George Burns

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do. — George Burns

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer. — George Burns

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children. — George Burns

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting. — George Burns

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. — George Burns

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them. — George Burns

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands. — George Burns

Life Lessons by George Burns

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  1. George Burns taught us to never give up, no matter how difficult life may seem. He continued to perform and entertain audiences well into his 90s, proving that age is no barrier to success.
  2. He also showed us the importance of having a positive attitude and a good sense of humour. His ability to make people laugh was a testament to his resilience and optimism.
  3. Finally, George Burns taught us to appreciate the small things in life and to live life to the fullest. He was a firm believer in the power of gratitude and the importance of cherishing every moment.

In Conclusion

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