190 Funny Retirement Quotes to Help You Laugh Through Your Retiremente

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Famous Retirement Quotes

You retire by saving up enough money, becoming a monk, or by finding work that feels like play to you. — Naval Ravikant

Retirement is when you stop sacrificing today for an imaginary tomorrow. When today is complete, in and of itself, you’re retired. — Naval Ravikant

Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren't going to get rid of me that way. — Betty White

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. — Gene Perret

I'm retarded - I mean I'm retired. — Frank Serpico

Your retirement is an opportunity to live out your dreams and take care of your family. Don’t leave it to chance. — Chris Hogan

Retirement requires the invention of a new hedonism, not a return to the hedonism of youth — Mason Cooley

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. — R. C. Sherriff

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. — George Foreman

I'm retired from the daredevil business. — Felix Baumgartner

You can retire from a job, but don't ever retire from making extremely meaningful contributions in life. — Stephen Covey

Your best retirement plan for retiring happy and prosperous - don't be a burden on others. — Ernie J Zelinski

God has a plan for your retirement. — Billy Graham

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. — Abe Lemons

I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week. — Vince McMahon

Short Retirement Quotes

  • Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us. — Jerry Garcia
  • Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. — Louis Armstrong
  • On promoting green transition — Xi Jinping
  • Who does not live to serve does not serve to live. — Mexican Proverbs
  • Cheap is expensive. — Mexican Proverbs
  • The thoughtful soul to solitude retires. — Omar Khayyam
  • Investing is not about being right all the time; it is about being patient and disciplined. — Gautam Baid
  • Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. — George Burns
  • No flies enter a closed mouth. — Mexican Proverbs
  • The foundation of healthy independence is a securely attached relationship. — Amir Levine

Retirement Image Quotes

Retirement quote When you stop living at work and start working at living - retirement.
When you stop living at work and start working at living - retirement.

Thank You Retirement Quotes

Warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. — Carl Jung

I think retirement's for old people. I'm still in the business, thank you. I have a young child of nine years old, and I want to live as long as I can to see him grow up. I'm enjoying my life and I want to stick around for as long as I can. — Harrison Ford

There's this Lebanese lady I dearly loved who raised 13 children in Toledo, and she retired in Phoenix. She said, I get up every morning and say, Thank you, God. I do the same thing now. — Jamie Farr

The long bitter years of the Cold War are over. America and her allies have won; totally, decisively, and overwhelmingly....So thank you SAC. Job well done. Enjoy your retirement. — Colin Powell

Just the fact that you're working is good for you. — Lars von Trier

I have a great life, to tell you the truth. — Shirley Maclaine

When you are handed something instead of having to work for it, you don't respect it as much. — Katie Pavlich

When you go into something where you can really trust that everyone has thought about it, more than you have even, then that's like a gift. — Tina Fey

For whatever you live is life. — Robert Penn Warren

You take what you can get, I reckon. You take what you can get. — Sayings

Teacher Retirement Quotes

What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. - Karl A. Menninger

What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. — Karl A. Menninger

Casino gambling with a system where you have the edge is a wonderful teacher for elementary money management. — Edward O. Thorp

The doctrine of the Kingdom of Heaven, which was the main teaching of Jesus, is certainly one of the most revolutionary doctrines that ever stirred and changed human thought. — H. G. Wells

There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing; and then stuff them elegantly. — Lola J. May

My dad’s a teacher and a football coach, and he found a job in New Jersey. — Sadie Sink

The children are now working as if I did not exist. — Maria Montessori

I mean to retire, where nobody will have heard about my special skills. And conversation is mainly about the weather. — Eilean Ni Chuilleanain

The splendid thing about education is that everyone wants it. Like influenza, you can give it away without losing any of it yourself. — Evelyn Waugh

A man can't retire his experience. — Bernard Baruch

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. — Gene Perret

Short Retirement Quotes

If something is not going to be an obvious double in a short period of time – you know, 2 to 3 years – I have to show interest. — Howard S. Marks

Though we seem grieved at the shortness of life in general, we are wishing every period of it at an end. The minor longs to be at age, then to be a man of business, then to make up an estate, then to arrive at honors, then to retire. — Joseph Addison

High pressure salesmen focus on the short term incentives to outweigh the long term cons. — Isaac Mashman

Short-term price action means nothing and should mean nothing to you. Keep your focus on long-term business growth. — Naved Abdali

Build for the long term and the short term will take care of itself. — Rand Fishkin

The key to successful investing is to think long term and ignore short-term noise. — Raoul Pal

Invest in the long term, and don’t worry too much about the short term. — Rand Fishkin

Life is way too short to be taken seriously, so enjoy it, man. — KSI

Return alone — and especially return over short periods of time — says very little about the quality of investment decisions. — Howard S. Marks

A short retirement urges a sweet return. — John Milton

Best Retirement Quotes

I may not be ‘the prettiest’ or have ‘big boobies,’ but I want people to remember me as the best. — Joanna Jedrzejczyk

I loved being the best player in the world. There was no pressure staying there. — Stephen Hendry

I do not live for people, for what they think, for them to say that I’m nice, good, the best, perfect. Everyone has their opinion. And I respect that. — Paul Pogba

That’s because he was man of deep thought and integrity. He thought giving away the taxpayers’ money to a large corporation was not in the best interest of the taxpayer. — Bill Miller

Even if I ain’t the famous-est, the richest, the best – as long as I know I kept it real and didn’t backstab nobody – I sleep good at night. — 21 Savage

I know the UFC’s a big organization, the best athletes and fighters are here, so… every third or fourth month, I’m ready to fight. — Joanna Jedrzejczyk

When you boil it all down, it’s the investor’s job to intelligently bear risk for profit. Doing it well is what separates the best from the rest. — Howard S. Marks

The best way to keep a ship – or any organization – on course for success is to give the troops all the responsibility they can handle and then stand back. — Michael Abrashoff

It is the best thing to have great games, and the tiredness matters little. — Antoine Griezmann

Listen to your people. They often have the best ideas and solutions. — Michael Abrashoff

Happy Retirement Quotes

If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves. You can gain more control over your life by paying closer attention to the little things. — Emily Dickinson

I love the game of basketball, and as long as I can do that, keep playing and try to get some more championships with the organization, I’ll be happy. — Kawhi Leonard

Money is not going to bring me happiness. — Eric Yuan

I don’t care about what nobody say or how nobody feel. I’m happy, I’m living my life, and that’s what it is. — 21 Savage

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. — George Burns

Success is liking yourself and what you do because if you like yourself, you are happy with who you are and how you live and what you do. — Ryan Higa

Money is a bonus of the job, but it doesn’t always make you happy. — Harry Kane

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing - A. A. Milne

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing — A. A. Milne

I am happy, and I am living the life I always dreamed of. — Kylian Mbappe

Keep da money, cars, fame, and jewelry, and jus give me all the happiness – I’ll be good forever. — 21 Savage

Good Retirement Quotes

Investors should focus on the process rather than the outcome. Over time, a good process will lead to favorable outcomes. — Gautam Baid

For a group to be great, both good governance and excellent execution are required. It’s not one or the other. — Koos Bekker

Investment success doesn’t come from ‘buying good things, but rather from ‘buying things well.’ — Howard S. Marks

Life is all about sharing. If we are good at something, pass it on. That is the pleasure I get from teaching – whether it is television or books. We should all share. — Mary Berry

I always had a lot of ideas, and I never thought I couldn’t do something. If you have a good idea and you believe in it, you just go for it. — Glen Bell

Marketing is about telling good stories. Social media marketing is about getting your customers to tell them for you. — Ryan Deiss

I think baking is very rewarding, and if you follow a good recipe, you will get success. — Mary Berry

In the stock market a good nervous system is even more important than a good head. — Philip Arthur Fisher

If I play a bad game, I know I played a bad game. If I play a good game, I know I played a good game. So I don’t need anyone to tell me if I did good or bad – because I know it. — Paul Pogba

Most investors are too eager to sell a good position with a small profit rather than hold on for a larger gain. — Thomas Phelps

Retirement Age Quotes

Life's opportunities never end. God designed you to be a continual learner, a continual doer, a continual explorer and a continual giver. He never authorized a 'retirement age' from those pursuits! — Paula White

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all. — Ann Landers

Chuck Liddell loves to fight. That's his passion. That's what he loves in life. But there comes a day and age - fighting is a young man's game. — Dana White

Optimistic young adults stay healthier throughout middle age and, ultimately, live longer than pessimists. — Angela Duckworth

I think true love – love, wine and beauty, they better with age. — Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

It felt like the most natural thing in the world to do [to fly a plane at age 6]. — Edward Higgins White

I realized it might be possible to do such a thing, run for money, trot for wages on piece work at a bob a puff rising bit by bit to a guinea a gasp and retiring through old age at thirty-two because of lace-curtain lungs, a football heart, and legs like varicose beanstalks. — Alan Sillitoe

Retire me to my Milan, where Every third thought shall be my grave. — William Shakespeare

I think ageing is challenging, surprising, fun, and full of friendship, so that is the approach I’ll take, objecting to the stigmatization of ageing in so many modern societies. — Martha C. Nussbaum

I really loved football from a young age. And my only thought, my only objective in life, was to be a professional footballer. — Paul Pogba

Retirement Years Quotes

Trading is injurious to your wealth. If you are smoking you may die in 20-30 years whereas by trading, this may happen the very next day. — Vijay Kedia

Market history is filled with examples of companies that returned over 100x on an initial investment. The difficulty is in finding and holding on to those companies over many years. — Thomas Phelps

A life without love is like a year without summer. — Prince Ali Salman Aga Khan Aly Khan

I put a lot of meaning into what will go on my skin and be there for all of my years of life. — Valentina Shevchenko

I am confident in my ability, as I always have been, and that I will be capable of maintaining my form, if not improving, year in, year out. — Harry Kane

I've got too many of my friends that retired and went home and got on a rocking chair, and about a year and a half later, I'm always going to the cemetery. — Red Adair

I remember being a teenager and watching 40-year-old Michael Jordan compete in his final All-Star game. — Kawhi Leonard

I’ve been in martial arts for so many years, so to hold the belt of UFC and be on top of the biggest organization, it will be represented in this belt. — Valentina Shevchenko

A lot of my friends who were really sporty in year 7 and 8, in years 9 and 10 they stopped playing. It was a shame. — Ellyse Perry

I try to be a complete player – in attack and in defense – and to improve every year. — Antoine Griezmann

Retirement Wishes Quotes

When one door closes, another one opens. — Alexander Graham Bell

I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments. — Richard Davies

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. — Ambrose Bierce

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security — Dave Barry

I wish Kylian to have the same career as Thierry Henry. — Didier Deschamps

People will laugh at me, but when they ask me to make a wish for the next life, I will say I want the same parents, same brother and sister, same wife, same friends. — Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

I wish I could say farewell and retire but there is nothing for me to retire from. — Tommy Chong

As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning. — Earl Nightingale

Thoughts on the Merits of Work The worst of work nowadays is what happens to people when they cease to work. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever." — Gene Perret

Retirement Planning Quotes

One of my great pleasures from the study of investing, finance, and economics is the discovery of insights about people and society. — Edward O. Thorp

Once you have a plan, always invest within the boundaries and parameters of your plan. Never bend your rules to accommodate your guts. — Naved Abdali

It was the labor movement that helped secure so much of what we take for granted today. The 40-hour work week, the minimum wage, family leave, health insurance, Social Security, Medicare, retirement plans. The cornerstones of the middle-class security all bear the union label. — Barack Obama

Instead of planning the retirement of the Space Shuttle program, America should be preparing the shuttles for their next step in space: evolving, not shutting them down and laying off thousands of people. — Buzz Aldrin

I’m proud to say like many of my colleagues in the Conservative Party I am fully behind Theresa May’s Brexit plans. — Liz Truss

Investment is somewhat like cricket, where you change your game plan as per the format. — Vijay Kedia

No matter how good you are at planning, the pressure never goes away. So I don’t fight it. I feed off it. I turn pressure into motivation to do my best. — Benjamin Carson

Always have a goal, always have a second plan. — Cardi B

Better late than never is a bad plan for site reliability. — Cliff Lerner

I have no plans to retire. It's the perfect combination of work and play that keeps you young. If I quit work it would be the beginning of the end for me. — Hugh Hefner

Retirement Homes Quotes

Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire. — Samuel Johnson

Everything that is meant for you will feel like a deep exhale, as though you are returning home to a place you forgot existed. — Brianna Wiest

I’m going to do what I want, get my money and go home. — Amanda Nunes

To be able to walk out the door when you come home from a job and wander into the garden to do a bit of watering gives you time to be creative in your mind. — Mary Berry

If there are no more tournaments added I could be looking at playing pool. Why not? You don’t want to be sat at home twiddling your fingers all day. — Stephen Hendry

I don’t watch ESPN, don’t listen to the radio. I just go home and deal with my family. — Kawhi Leonard

I just stay home all the time. But the things I have learned outside of basketball is you got to take care of your body. — Giannis Antetokounmpo

I think the biggest part of being a girl boss in the office, at home or anywhere you go is just knowing your value. — Meghan Markle

I’m a guy who doesn’t really care about glamour and big markets; I like to be home all day. — Giannis Antetokounmpo

Ultimately savings have to go somewhere and I think they will find their home in financial markets and within financial markets, a large part in equity. — Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

Retirement Speech Quotes

I was interested in the ideas – freedom, free speech and having control of my own life. That’s why I became a Tory. — Liz Truss

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. — Laurence J. Peter

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. — Malcolm Forbes

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. — Joan Rivers

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. — Gene Perret

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. — Gene Perret

The Republican Party is a friend of Social Security the way Colonel Sanders was a friend of chickens. — Charles Taylor Manatt

The Princess's so-called 'time and space speech' at the end of '93 about a year after the formal separation, looking back on it it's called her retirement from public life but we've seen in fact it's nothing of the kind. — Anthony Holden

Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made. — William Shakespeare

Language most shows a man; speak that I may see thee; it springs out of the most retired and inmost parts of us, and is the image of the parent of it, the mind. No glass renders a man's form or likeness so true as his speech. — Ben Jonson

People Writing About Retirement

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Read quotes by Mexican Proverbs

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Read quotes by Naval Ravikant

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More Retirement Quotes

Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give. — William Arthur Ward

The Eucharist is a fire that inflames us, that, like lions breathing fire, we may retire from the altar being made terrible to the devil. — Saint John Chrysostom

This is the greatest thing about sports - you play to win the game. Hello? You don't play to just play it. When you start telling me it doesn't matter, then retire, get out, because it matters. — Herman Edwards

Let love lead your soul. Make it a place to retire to, a kind of monastery cave, a retreat for the deepest core of your being. — Farid al-Din Attar

The weird thing about rap is that you don't get compared in the same way that athletes do, even though it's probably the most competitive sport in music. In basketball, they look at a player and say: 'This guy was the best in his prime at this sport.' But in rap it's not until you're dead or retired that people think about it like that. — Chance the Rapper

Faithful servants never retire. You can retire from your career, but you will never retire from serving God. — Rick Warren

When I retire I'm going to spend my evenings by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned. — Richard M. Nixon

Life is continued work. It's constant learning. The whole concept of retirement I don't even buy into. We should constantly be working. Maybe not physically working, but we could be spiritually, emotionally working toward bettering ourselves and bettering the lives of others around us. — Lauryn Hill

Retire from the world each day to some private spot. Stay in the secret place till the surrounding noises begin to fade out of your heart and a sense of God's presence envelops you. Deliberately tune out the unpleasant sounds and come out of your closet determined not to hear them. Listen for the inward voice till you learn to recognize it. — Aiden Wilson Tozer

Be authentic to escape competition, find what you know how to do better than anybody because you love to do it and it feels like play, and get to retirement. — Naval Ravikant

Since retiring from the FBI in 2007, I've traveled the world and worked with everyone from CEOs to their managers and everyday workers on how to apply techniques from hundreds of high-stakes, life-or-death negotiations to business negotiations. — Chris Voss

Pension reforms, like investment advice and automatic enrollment, will strengthen the ability of Americans to save and invest for retirement. — Steve Bartlett

Many people achieve success, but to sustain the same over an entire lifetime requires humility, gratitude, and a constant learning mind-set. — Gautam Baid

Regularity in the hours of rising and retiring, perseverance in exercise, adaptation of dress to the variations of climate, simple and nutritious aliment, and temperance in all things are necessary branches of the regimen of health. — Lord Chesterfield

I agree that we must expand opportunities for retirement saving, but we must not undermine this worthy effort with a flawed privatization scheme that takes the 'security' out of Social Security. — Mary Landrieu

Diversification is a risk-reduction tool, but it should not be used as a substitute for thorough research and understanding. — Gautam Baid

In almost any salaried job, even at one that’s paying a lot per hour like a lawyer, or a doctor, you’re still putting in the hours, and every hour you get paid. So, what that means is when you’re sleeping, you’re not earning. When you’re retired, you’re not earning. When you’re on vacation, you’re not earning. And you can’t earn non-linearly. — Naval Ravikant

The bond between a man and his profession is similar to that which ties him to his country; it is just as complex, often ambivalent, and in general it is understood completely only when it is broken: by exile or emigration in the case of one's country, by retirement in the case of a trade or profession. — Primo Levi

In 2012, when the European financial bailouts, to keep Greece afloat and in the euro currency zone, began and demands for Greek austerity measures were made, the geographical divide soon became obvious. The donors and demanders were the northern countries, the recipients and supplicants mostly southern. It didn’t take long for Germans to point out that they were working until 65 but paying taxes that were going to Greece so people could retire at 55. — Tim Marshall

In the abstract, life is a mixture of chance and choice. Chance can be thought of as the cards you are dealt in life. Choice is how you play them. — Edward O. Thorp

Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’. — Victor Frankl

I don’t sit around thinking about my titles and roles; I just do what feels right. — Meghan Markle

Whatever you’re doing, think fifty steps ahead. — 21 Savage

Building your personal brand is one of the few ways you can ensure that you don’t stay broke. — Isaac Mashman

In Conclusion

Retirement quotes often emphasize the value of relaxation and leisure. They remind us to take a break from the hectic pace of life and enjoy the simple pleasures that retirement brings. Some quotes encourage individuals to embrace rest and rejuvenation, emphasizing the need to slow down and savor every moment of this well-deserved break. Additionally, retirement quotes often emphasize the opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. They remind us that retirement is a chance to explore new passions, learn new skills, and reinvent oneself. These quotes inspire individuals to seize the freedom retirement offers and embark on new adventures.

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