What are the best Ambrose Bierce quotes?

Accurate and famous quotes by Ambrose Bierce about person, politics, marriage, humor, ingenious. Ambrose Bierce is well-known American journalist with many wise quotes. You can read the best of all time and enjoy Top 10 lists. Share the best Ambrose Bierce sayings with your friends and family.


  1. Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.


  2. All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.


  3. Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.


  4. Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.




  5. Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.


  6. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.


  7. Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.


  8. Habit is a shackle for the free.


  9. Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.


  10. Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.


  11. Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.


  12. Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.


  13. An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.


  14. Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.


  15. Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.


  16. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.


  17. Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.


  18. Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.


  19. Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.


  20. Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

    • marriage

  21. Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.


  22. Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.


  23. Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.


  24. Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.


  25. Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.


  26. Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.


  27. Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.


  28. They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.


  29. The covers of this book are too far apart.


  30. Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

    • beautiful


Top 10 quotes by Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce image quotes

What are the best Ambrose Bierce images quotes? Read and bookmark finest sayings from Ambrose Bierce, embed as quotes on beautiful images. Those images have person quotes, politics quotes, marriage quotes, humor quotes, ingenious quotes.


  1. Picture quote by Ambrose Bierce about tax

    Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.


That are top sayings from Ambrose Bierce as picture quotes. Access more quotations by Ambrose Bierce with images on Pinterest.

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About Ambrose Bierce

Where is Ambrose Bierce from? Ambrose Bierce is American who said awesome wise words. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Ambrose Bierce's character.

What Ambrose Bierce was famous for? Ambrose Bierce is famous journalist with many good quotes. Influential and well recognized journalist all over the world. Browse a lot of Ambrose Bierce books and reference books with quotes from Ambrose Bierce on Amazon.


What are the best person quotes by Ambrose Bierce?


    An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

    • egotist

    Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.


    Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.


    Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.


    Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.


    Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

    • technology

More person quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best politics quotes by Ambrose Bierce?


    Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

    • administration

    Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.


    Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.


    What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

    • politics

    Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

    • politics

    Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

    • politics

More politics quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best marriage quotes by Ambrose Bierce?


    Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

    • marriage

    Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

    • marriage

    The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

    • marriage

    Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

    • marriage

    Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

    • marriage

More marriage quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best humor quotes by Ambrose Bierce?


    Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.


    Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.


    Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

    • humor

    Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

    • definition

    The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

    • humor

More humor quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best ingenious quotes by Ambrose Bierce?


    Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.


    Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

    • business

    Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.


    Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

    • technology

    Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.


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More quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Want some more good quotations by Ambrose Bierce? Explore the rest of 188 sayings by Ambrose Bierce.


A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.


The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

  • marriage

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.


Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.




Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.


To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.


When in Rome, do as Rome does.


A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.


Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.


Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.


A man is known by the company he organizes.


An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!

  • ego

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.


Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

  • beating

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.


Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.


Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.


Truth -- An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.


Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.


Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.


Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.


Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.


Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.


Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.


A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.


Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.


Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.


A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.


Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.


Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

  • humor

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.


Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.


Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.


Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.


Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.


Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.


Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

  • revolution

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.


Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.

  • atheism

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.


Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.


A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.


Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

  • politics

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.


Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

  • administration

Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

  • alliance

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.


Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.


Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.


Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.


Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.


The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.


Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

  • art

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

  • experience

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.


Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.


An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.


Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.


The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.


Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

  • justice

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.


Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.


An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.


Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.


Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

  • blockhead

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

  • business

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

  • technology

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.


The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.


History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.


Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.


Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.


Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

  • definition

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.


Woman absent is woman dead.


A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.


Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.


Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.


Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.


Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.


Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.


Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.


Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.


Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.


Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.


Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.


Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

  • politics

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

  • technology

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.


There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.


It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.


What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.


Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

  • chain

Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.


Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

  • experience

Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.


Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.


An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

  • history

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

  • barometer

Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.


Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.


Projectile - n. the final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were resolved by physical contact of the disputants with such arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times would supply - sword, spear, and so forth. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by all. Its capital defect ( in Bierce's day ) has been that it requires personal attendance at the point of launch.


Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

  • act

Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.


A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

  • philosophy

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

  • marriage

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

  • definition

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.


Academe : An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy : A modern school where football is taught.


The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

  • humor

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

  • politics

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.


Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

  • justice

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.


Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.


Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.


Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.


Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.


The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.


Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

  • bore

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When was Ambrose Bierce birthday? Ambrose Bierce was born on June 24, 1842.

Who is Ambrose Bierce? Some facts about Ambrose Bierce from biography. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist and satirist. Today, he is best known for his short story, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge and his satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. The sardonic view of human nature that informed his work – ... Read more about Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Ambrose Bierce on YouTube. Browse a lot of books about Ambrose Bierce on Amazon to get more reference.

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