Ambrose Bierce was an American journalist, satirist, and short story writer from the 19th century. He is best known for his devil's dictionary, a satirical collection of definitions of common words. His other works include The Cynic's Word Book, Fantastic Fables, and Tales of Soldiers and Civilians. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Ambrose Bierce on war, love, satirical.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Ambrose Bierce inspirational quote
Ambrose Bierce Image Quotes
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. — Ambrose Bierce
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. — Ambrose Bierce
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. — Ambrose Bierce
A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of a public affairs for private advantage.
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. — Ambrose Bierce
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Short Quotes
Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About War
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. — Ambrose Bierce
Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders. — Ambrose Bierce
REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian. — Ambrose Bierce
LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success. — Ambrose Bierce
War: A by-product of the arts of peace. — Ambrose Bierce
WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity. — Ambrose Bierce
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends. — Ambrose Bierce
At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable. — Ambrose Bierce
Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil. — Ambrose Bierce
CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Love
PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost. — Ambrose Bierce
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. — Ambrose Bierce
A temporary insanity curable by marriage. — Ambrose Bierce
LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. — Ambrose Bierce
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. — Ambrose Bierce
The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money. — Ambrose Bierce
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. — Ambrose Bierce
ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgment of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. — Ambrose Bierce
MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders. — Ambrose Bierce
NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Cynical
Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery. — Ambrose Bierce
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. — Ambrose Bierce
Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be. — Ambrose Bierce
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. — Ambrose Bierce
A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything. The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Person
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets. — Ambrose Bierce
Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy. — Ambrose Bierce
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . . — Ambrose Bierce
Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness. — Ambrose Bierce
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion. — Ambrose Bierce
Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers. — Ambrose Bierce
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. — Ambrose Bierce
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. — Ambrose Bierce
Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About World
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. — Ambrose Bierce
Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. — Ambrose Bierce
INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence. — Ambrose Bierce
Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. — Ambrose Bierce
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. — Ambrose Bierce
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. — Ambrose Bierce
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. — Ambrose Bierce
Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This
illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the
world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages,
of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered. — Ambrose Bierce
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. — Ambrose Bierce
A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner, I wish you to create something that would justify them. The world is all created,said God, but you have overlooked something — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Dead
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. — Ambrose Bierce
Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. — Ambrose Bierce
A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle. — Ambrose Bierce
HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that — Ambrose Bierce
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. — Ambrose Bierce
PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises. — Ambrose Bierce
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead. — Ambrose Bierce
Woman absent is woman dead. — Ambrose Bierce
RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead. — Ambrose Bierce
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Politics
DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets. — Ambrose Bierce
REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion. — Ambrose Bierce
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. — Ambrose Bierce
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. — Ambrose Bierce
TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics. — Ambrose Bierce
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. — Ambrose Bierce
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. — Ambrose Bierce
Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. — Ambrose Bierce
SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. — Ambrose Bierce
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Quotes About Marriage
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. — Ambrose Bierce
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. — Ambrose Bierce
Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. — Ambrose Bierce
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Famous Quotes And Sayings
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. — Ambrose Bierce
Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke. — Ambrose Bierce
An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. — Ambrose Bierce
HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains. — Ambrose Bierce
CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance. — Ambrose Bierce
ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. — Ambrose Bierce
OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly. — Ambrose Bierce
GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone. — Ambrose Bierce
Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling. — Ambrose Bierce
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. — Ambrose Bierce
OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor. — Ambrose Bierce
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury. — Ambrose Bierce
PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence. — Ambrose Bierce
AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island. — Ambrose Bierce
GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers. — Ambrose Bierce
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm. — Ambrose Bierce
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does. — Ambrose Bierce
Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first. — Ambrose Bierce
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. — Ambrose Bierce
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. — Ambrose Bierce
Salamander: Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an anthropomorphous immortal, but still a pyrophile. Salamanders are now believed to be extinct, the last one of which we have an account having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc, who exorcised it with a bucket of holy water. — Ambrose Bierce
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. — Ambrose Bierce
FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London — Ambrose Bierce
MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals. — Ambrose Bierce
A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its successive parts are successively effaced, as in the pa — Ambrose Bierce
ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography. — Ambrose Bierce
PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. — Ambrose Bierce
FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions. — Ambrose Bierce
LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns. — Ambrose Bierce
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. — Ambrose Bierce
MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated. — Ambrose Bierce
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher," 1697 — Ambrose Bierce
PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn. — Ambrose Bierce
OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph." — Ambrose Bierce
DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia. — Ambrose Bierce
HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick. — Ambrose Bierce
MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society. — Ambrose Bierce
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. — Ambrose Bierce
MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman. — Ambrose Bierce
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. — Ambrose Bierce
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. — Ambrose Bierce
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. — Ambrose Bierce
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. — Ambrose Bierce
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. — Ambrose Bierce
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. — Ambrose Bierce
Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience. — Ambrose Bierce
Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen. — Ambrose Bierce
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. — Ambrose Bierce
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. — Ambrose Bierce
Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. — Ambrose Bierce
Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver. — Ambrose Bierce
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility. — Ambrose Bierce
PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action. — Ambrose Bierce
Contempt; the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed. — Ambrose Bierce
April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. — Ambrose Bierce
The covers of this book are too far apart. — Ambrose Bierce
KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland. — Ambrose Bierce
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. — Ambrose Bierce
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it. — Ambrose Bierce
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. — Ambrose Bierce
CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible. — Ambrose Bierce
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though Horizontalists hold that the posture of the body was immaterial. — Ambrose Bierce
GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. — Ambrose Bierce
Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account. — Ambrose Bierce
You can effect a change of robbers every four years. Inestimable privilege - to pull off the glutted leech and attach the lean one! And you can not even choose among the lean leeches, but must accept those designated by the programmers and showmen who have the reptiles on tap! — Ambrose Bierce
Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient — Ambrose Bierce
ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting. — Ambrose Bierce
A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. — Ambrose Bierce
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. — Ambrose Bierce
Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing. — Ambrose Bierce
Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government. — Ambrose Bierce
LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods. — Ambrose Bierce
International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one — Ambrose Bierce
A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement. — Ambrose Bierce
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. — Ambrose Bierce
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. — Ambrose Bierce
Life Lessons by Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce's life and work emphasizes the importance of standing up for what you believe in and not backing down in the face of adversity.
He also teaches us to be independent and to think for ourselves, rather than relying on the opinions of others.
Finally, he encourages us to be brave and to take risks in order to pursue our dreams and reach our goals.
Citation
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