Introduction

What are the best Dave Barry quotes? Here are accurate and famous quotes by Dave Barry.

Most of the sayings are about humor, people, person, except, problem. Dave Barry is famous American journalist with many wise quotes. Read the best of all time. You can also enjoy Top 10 Dave Barry images and Top 10 Dave Barry quotes.

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Best Dave Barry quotes

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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

  • age

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.


I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.


Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.




Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.


When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.


The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

  • computers

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

  • age

The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.


Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.


The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.


The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.


Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.


Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.


We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.


Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.


The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.


Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.


Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.


As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.


I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.


We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.


It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.


I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.


It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

  • art

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.


If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'


Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.


Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.


Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.




Dave Barry quotes images

What are the best Dave Barry images quotes? Read and bookmark finest sayings from Dave Barry, embed as quotes on beautiful images. Those images have humor quotes, people quotes, person quotes, except quotes, problem quotes.

That were top sayings from Dave Barry as picture quotes. Access more quotations by Dave Barry with images on Pinterest.

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About Dave Barry

Where is Dave Barry from? Dave Barry is American who said awesome wise words. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Dave Barry's character.

What Dave Barry was famous for? Dave Barry is famous journalist with many good quotes. Influential and well recognized journalist all over the world. Browse a lot of Dave Barry books and reference books with quotes from Dave Barry on Amazon.


Top Dave Barry quotes about humor

What are the best humor quotes by Dave Barry? Top Dave Barry sayings and quotes about humor.


When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

  • humor

The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.

  • football

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.


It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.


Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.


I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself.

  • humor

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.


Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

  • humor

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Top Dave Barry quotes about people

What are the best people quotes by Dave Barry? Top Dave Barry sayings and quotes about people.


The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

  • again

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

  • boring

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.


People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.


The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.


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Top Dave Barry quotes about person

What are the best person quotes by Dave Barry? Top Dave Barry sayings and quotes about person.


It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

  • funny

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.


Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?


What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.


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Top Dave Barry quotes about except

What are the best except quotes by Dave Barry? Top Dave Barry sayings and quotes about except.


Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

  • boring

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

  • admit

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.


We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.


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Top Dave Barry quotes about problem

What are the best problem quotes by Dave Barry? Top Dave Barry sayings and quotes about problem.


My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.


American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.


The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.


The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

  • come

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More quotes by Dave Barry

Want some more good quotations by Dave Barry? Explore the rest of 97 sayings by Dave Barry.


I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself.

  • humor

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

  • american

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.


Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.




Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.


Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

  • activity

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

  • age

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.

  • children

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

  • funny

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.


Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

  • bent

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

  • health

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.


To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.


To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

  • teen

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.


I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

  • argument

And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.


It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

  • babies

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

  • almost

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.


The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.


The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

  • technology

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.


Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.


The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

  • anybody

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.

  • beatles

As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.

  • aging

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

  • absolute

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.


Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!


I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

  • car

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.


The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.


Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.


The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

  • closely

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.


The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.


The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.


The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.


If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.


Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

  • car

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

  • believe

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.


Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.


The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

  • computers

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.


In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!


Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

  • business

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.


There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.


If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.


Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.


The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.


What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.


The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

  • come

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.


We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.


If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.

  • business

Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

  • humor

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.


For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.


My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

  • chess

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.


Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

  • teen

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.


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Journalists similar to Dave Barry

Which journalist has the best quotes? Top quotes from famous journalists like the following.


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Dave Barry favorite topics

Dave Barry is famous for his passion about humor, people, person, except, problem. Check out great quotations and affirmations on these topics.


Conclusion

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When was Dave Barry birthday? Dave Barry was born on July 3, 1947.

Who is Dave Barry? Some facts about Dave Barry from biography. Dave Barry is a humor columnist. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened.Dave has also written a total of... Read more about Dave Barry on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Dave Barry on YouTube.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best Dave Barry quotes
Top 10 quotes by Dave Barry

Part 3
Dave Barry quotes images

Part 4
Humor
People
Person
Except
Problem
All quotes

Part 5
Similar Journalists

Part 6
Favorite topics

Part 7
Conclusion

Quote
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