There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.

— Dave Barry

The most spectacular Dave Barry quotes that will add value to your life

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

194

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

161

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

135

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

104

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

92

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

92

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

85

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

85

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

82

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

82

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

81

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

79

About Dave Barry

Quotes 766 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Journalist
Birthday July 3, 1947

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

77

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

77

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

74

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

74

Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.

74

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

66

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

62

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

61

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required".

60

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years.

Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.

60

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

59

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

59

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.

57

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

55

One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips. People will then be literally kissing ass.

54

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

54

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

53

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

52

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

51

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

50

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

49

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the Beverly Hillbillies.

48

Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.

48

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

47

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

46

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

46

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

46

Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information which is how I got a good job in journalism.

42

Never lick a steak knife.

41

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

41

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

41

The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini.

Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.

40

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

39

A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.

37

Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.

34

Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.

33

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.

33
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