No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone... you answer it.— Dave Chappelle
The most unexpected Dave Chappelle quotes that are little-known but priceless
Hey hey hey, smoke weed everyday
Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*t
I support anyone's right to be who they want to be.
My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?
The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.
Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.
I don't want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.
The worst thing to call somebody is crazy.
It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.
I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!
Constantly take inventory of what's important to you.
I have angst in my life, but I'm like anybody.
We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.
Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind.
I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.
I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.
You've got to say 'yes' to your destiny.
Life's happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!
I always take a relationship to the next level.
If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.
There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.
All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that.
They do what they do for money - that's all.
I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.
I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.
I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.
Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth.
Even if they're socially callous.
Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it's not nothing, it's something. But it's not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.
Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I'm seven years late for work.
Weed's not as bad as everything else.
.. 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp... but you'll function.
You get sick of jokes, you know. Either I do them on TV, and then you worry, like, "Oh, everyone's gonna see it," so you chuck it, or you just get sick of saying it. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.
There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me.
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.
What that’s allowed me to do is have a vantage point about my own life that's accessible to people still. I could see a guy walking down the street and be like, Even though I'm famous, I got more in common with this guy than, like, Brad Pitt.
I was 23. When you're 23, your concern is not for the greater good of humanity. I didn't feel like I was unleashing an evil on society or anything. At the time, that's what I was into, and I did a movie about it.
I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.
I got a lot of positive people around me.
I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.
I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.
The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.
The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.
Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.
The biggest enemy of an artist is apathy.
.. A kid gets killed by the police and I buy a T-shirt and before I can wear that one, there's another kid (killed) and I'm running out of closet space.
I'm happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature.
It doesn't make things easier, but I'm so much better at handling them.
It seems like there's never enough famous white people among comic in Hollywood.
A celebrity, whatever I am, you get cut off sometimes from people just by circumstance.
I don't care if I ever work in TV again.
Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me.
The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.
After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.
New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.
Jerry Seinfeld, he was doing Letterman show all the time, so he kind of had an excuse, that people know the jokes already. He didn't have time to do stand-up. A guy like me, I have no excuses.
Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.
With younger people I'm recognized with always Half-Baked, Blue Streak because it's on cable. Women, it's always You've Got Mail. Nutty Professor is pretty much everybody across the board. It seems like they like that one.
I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas.