110+ David Cross Quotes On Religion, Politics And Education

David Cross is an American actor, stand-up comedian, director, and writer. He is best known for his work in the television series Arrested Development, and the films Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Megamind. Cross is also known for his stand-up comedy performances, which often incorporate political and observational humor. Following is our collection on famous quotes by David Cross on religion, leadership, politics.

Top 10 David Cross Quotes

1. Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.
2. I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
3. I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative
4. You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
5. I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
6. We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
7. Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
8. I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.
9. I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically than anyone in the landscaping industry.
10. I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.

David Cross Short Quotes

• There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really.
• The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.
• I don't think HBO would want to do anything in conjunction with Sub Pop but I never asked either.
• My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.
• It's easy to see that two people might come up with that same idea.
• I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.
• I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
• You have to get the second season by acquiescing to a third season.
• Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.
• I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.

David Cross Quotes About Politics

In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America. — David Cross

Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff, you get people going, "I didn't come here to have my political views bashed." — David Cross

I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like "An Evening Of Political Comedy." — David Cross

David Cross Quotes About Love

I love Tinkle, it's really the most fun I've had in years. — David Cross

There is nothing interesting about just seeing me doing the show then seeing the fans and how much people love me. — David Cross

I just did 101 shows in 86 different cities in America and Europe and Canada, and I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say, at the vast majority of shows, they loved it. There were encores, there were standing ovations. — David Cross

David Cross Quotes About People

Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat. — David Cross

I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, "It's just shock value. It's not even funny." I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian. — David Cross

I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming. — David Cross

I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people. — David Cross

Most people who have kids are, "Hey, I want another me. I like me. I'm pretty cool, and I've got really great ideas, and the way I think is the right way to think. Let's put another one of me out there. — David Cross

I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people. — David Cross

I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me. — David Cross

If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation. — David Cross

It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at you. But I'm not yelling at the audience, I'm yelling at the world. It genuinely sucks if people are taking it that way. But I'm not talking to individuals. — David Cross

I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever. — David Cross

David Cross Quotes About Funny

In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?" — David Cross

All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced. — David Cross

Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English. — David Cross

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are. — David Cross

High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know. — David Cross

We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur. — David Cross

I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted. — David Cross

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country. — David Cross

[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together. — David Cross

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude. — David Cross

David Cross Quotes About Joke

I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically. — David Cross

You can't just yell jokes at people. — David Cross

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around. — David Cross

I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective. — David Cross

Then I will tape the sets and even though I`m not very successful sometimes I will try to cut out the fat and put the jokes closer together. — David Cross

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage. — David Cross

I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny. — David Cross

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous. — David Cross

David Cross Famous Quotes And Sayings

Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys 'cause you're in a sound booth by yourself and they're all in a room in Atlanta. — David Cross

I think I'd be a really good dad. So perhaps I'm doing society a disservice by not having as many kids as possible. — David Cross

What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate? — David Cross

What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.' — David Cross

I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how women do a lot of shoe shopping or how being married sucks, go see the guy who does jokes about that. But if you come to see my live show, there's going to be 20 minutes on religion for the rest of my life, probably. If that makes me a caricature, so be it. — David Cross

Because I think whenever you sit down with another human being who would absolutely disagree with you on every issue, you learn about them as a person and you relate, in human terms, and it's much more difficult for either side to dismiss out of hand, like that person's a freak, that person's a Nazi. — David Cross

I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour. — David Cross

There were a handful of shows that were just painful. Not many, but things where I just said going into it, "Why am I here? What am I doing?" — David Cross

It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny. — David Cross

Hopefully people will be reinventing comedy forever and ever. This is just what I do, and it's a type of comedy. — David Cross

I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement. — David Cross

I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate. — David Cross

I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective. — David Cross

I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at. — David Cross

Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back. — David Cross

I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no way of bringing up religion without sounding like an asshole. — David Cross

James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history. — David Cross

There's quite an overlap between musicians - especially drummers - who have an affection and a proclivity towards comedy and comedians who fantasize about being in a band. And a lot of comics play instruments. — David Cross

[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria. — David Cross

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny! — David Cross

I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain. — David Cross

And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter. — David Cross

I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious. — David Cross

I don't mean this to sound hyperbolic but there are increasingly, albeit really minor, similarities between now and how Germany was lulled into what happened pre-WW2. — David Cross

There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally. — David Cross

I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational. — David Cross

I don't think of my opponents in the sense that I don't think of them consciously, I don't steer it one way or the other. — David Cross

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't believe it? You believe that I didn't do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I'm going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what's described as a 'joke.' Um, I'll be telling a bunch of them here tonight. — David Cross

A verbose, prosaic review which mentions whistling winds and the timeless feeling of jade doesn't mean anything to me; I don't need a novella telling me about how an album is like a fine meal. — David Cross

I think it was there before, but - because of social media, too - there are these people who fancy themselves as tolerant, and don't see the hypocrisy and double standard of how they're not tolerant at all, and they're just strident and they don't listen. There's no dialogue anymore. That's maybe, truly, the worst part of Trump's legacy is just people yelling at each other. — David Cross

If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat. — David Cross

I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another. — David Cross

Maybe if you live in Brooklyn, you don't need to hear that? But please, trust me, in most of America, they do need to hear it. And they're quite thankful that somebody came out and did it. For an hour and a half in that theater, for once, they're in the majority. — David Cross

I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also, Antwerp was my smallest audience, so the guy was right there. I was like, "What?" He said, "Dave Attell does a bit about, 'Why are there luggage stores in the airport?'" I had never seen that, and I would never ever, ever, ever - please believe me - I would never lift material from somebody ever, and certainly not knowingly. — David Cross

That's what social media is, that's what Twitter is, that's what Facebook posts are. It's just really anti-intellectual. — David Cross

There is also a kind of mean-spiritedness with LA comics. — David Cross

As far as just my stand-up is concerned, I don't care about changing anyone's mind. I'm not making an argument. I'm a guy doing comedy. — David Cross

I know this is obviously biased as well, but in my Twitter feed, on my Facebook, 90 percent are gushing, glowing, "Thank you for doing that" - type of reviews. "It's ballsy, it's honest, it's hilarious" - that kind of stuff. Obviously those are fans. — David Cross

There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views. — David Cross

I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper. — David Cross

I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright. — David Cross

As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy. — David Cross

I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself. — David Cross

I have no hesitation doing children's movies. Zero. And I don't even have kids. — David Cross

Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part. — David Cross

It's just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other. — David Cross

I'm finally going to be able to finally criticize [Hillary Clinton] without being accused of being a sexist - that idea. I'm not a fan, I don't like her, but you can't say anything without being accused of being a sexist pig, which is unfair. — David Cross

I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star. — David Cross

The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism. — David Cross

You have to have some level of attachment, you can still have passion and believe but it has to be softened somewhat. — David Cross

If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. — David Cross

I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I know are intelligent. It's this thing that I carry around. I know I'd be a better person if I was fairer, but it's at the core of who I am and what I believe. — David Cross

I've had plenty of negative reviews. I have my entire life. — David Cross

It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor—which people like in America—all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel-selling-ring-tones act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride. — David Cross

I've gotten "condescending" a million times, and that's not good. — David Cross

I do not want to encourage heckling and outbreaks at all. — David Cross

Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I've always had people upset. I've never been the consummate crowd-pleaser. — David Cross

Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City. — David Cross

I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him. — David Cross

It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet. — David Cross

I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best. — David Cross

Life Lessons by David Cross

1. David Cross has demonstrated the importance of hard work and dedication to achieving success in the entertainment industry.
2. He has also shown that it is possible to have a successful career while still maintaining a sense of humor and a unique perspective.
3. Finally, Cross has demonstrated that it is possible to take risks and be creative with your work, while still staying true to yourself and your values.