Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

— Dov Davidoff

The most killer Dov Davidoff quotes that are new and everybody is talking about

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

35

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

24

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

20

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

10

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

7

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic.

Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.

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If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk.

Let's check under the hood.

6

The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.

6

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

4

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

4

About Dov Davidoff

Quotes 248 sayings

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

4

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

4

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

3

The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.

3

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

2

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

2

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons.

I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

2

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

2

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought;

but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

2

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

2

People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.

2

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite.

I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

2

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

2

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.

1

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

1

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

1

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

1

Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.

1

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

1

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

1

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

1

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

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The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.

1

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions.

It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

1

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

1

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

1

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

0

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

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Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.

0

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

0

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness.

It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.

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Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys.

They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

0

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

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