110+ Dov Davidoff Quotes On David Dobrik, David Do And Outspoken

Dov Davidoff is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He is best known for his roles in the films Invincible, The Rocker, and The Brave One. He has also appeared on television shows such as The League and Mind of Mencia. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Dov Davidoff on leadership, love, david dobrik.

Top 10 Dov Davidoff Quotes

1. Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.
2. Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.
3. Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.
4. Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
5. Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
6. Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
7. The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
8. I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
9. Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.
10. If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Dov Davidoff Short Quotes

• The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
• MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
• Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.
• The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
• Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
• Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
• People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
• I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
• All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
• Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Dov Davidoff Quotes About Love

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me. — Dov Davidoff

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one. — Dov Davidoff

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties. — Dov Davidoff

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend. — Dov Davidoff

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great. — Dov Davidoff

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there. — Dov Davidoff

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death. — Dov Davidoff

Dov Davidoff Famous Quotes And Sayings

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie. — Dov Davidoff

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron. — Dov Davidoff

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work. — Dov Davidoff

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified. — Dov Davidoff

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded. — Dov Davidoff

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie. — Dov Davidoff

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much. — Dov Davidoff

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money. — Dov Davidoff

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit. — Dov Davidoff

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself. — Dov Davidoff

Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book. — Dov Davidoff

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. — Dov Davidoff

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots. — Dov Davidoff

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'. — Dov Davidoff

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation. — Dov Davidoff

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack. — Dov Davidoff

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself. — Dov Davidoff

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial. — Dov Davidoff

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff

Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay. — Dov Davidoff

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce. — Dov Davidoff

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness? — Dov Davidoff

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time. — Dov Davidoff

Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect. — Dov Davidoff

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself. — Dov Davidoff

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged. — Dov Davidoff

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant. — Dov Davidoff

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together. — Dov Davidoff

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right? — Dov Davidoff

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance. — Dov Davidoff

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously. — Dov Davidoff

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again. — Dov Davidoff

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress. — Dov Davidoff

I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs. — Dov Davidoff

Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic. — Dov Davidoff

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness. — Dov Davidoff

If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else. — Dov Davidoff

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure. — Dov Davidoff

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a good time. — Dov Davidoff

Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to. — Dov Davidoff

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour. — Dov Davidoff

People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time. — Dov Davidoff

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up. — Dov Davidoff

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor. — Dov Davidoff

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included. — Dov Davidoff

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other. — Dov Davidoff

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place. — Dov Davidoff

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. — Dov Davidoff

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal. — Dov Davidoff

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour. — Dov Davidoff

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away. — Dov Davidoff

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking. — Dov Davidoff

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option. — Dov Davidoff

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world. — Dov Davidoff

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers. — Dov Davidoff

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains. — Dov Davidoff

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. — Dov Davidoff

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. — Dov Davidoff

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you. — Dov Davidoff

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand. — Dov Davidoff

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal? — Dov Davidoff

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are. — Dov Davidoff

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be. — Dov Davidoff

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk. — Dov Davidoff

Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life. — Dov Davidoff

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity. — Dov Davidoff

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen. — Dov Davidoff

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake. — Dov Davidoff

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon. — Dov Davidoff

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way. — Dov Davidoff

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping. — Dov Davidoff

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one. — Dov Davidoff

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water. — Dov Davidoff

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman. — Dov Davidoff

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream. — Dov Davidoff

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater. — Dov Davidoff

Comedy is rarely funny. — Dov Davidoff

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people. — Dov Davidoff

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped. — Dov Davidoff

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place. — Dov Davidoff

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you. — Dov Davidoff

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer. — Dov Davidoff

Life Lessons by Dov Davidoff

1. Dov Davidoff's work teaches us to be confident and honest in our comedy, and to take risks in order to make our comedy stand out.
2. He also encourages us to use our unique life experiences to create comedy that is personal and meaningful.
3. Finally, he demonstrates the importance of staying true to ourselves and our comedic style, no matter the audience.