84+ Larry David Quotes On Comedic, Innovative And Quirky

Larry David is an American comedian, writer, actor, playwright, and television producer. He is best known for creating and starring in the television series Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, both of which he co-wrote with Jerry Seinfeld. He is also known for his work as a writer on Saturday Night Live and for his frequent cameos on the show. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Larry David on life, love, comedic.

Top 10 Larry David Quotes

1. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.
2. Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.
3. Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.
4. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.
5. Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
6. Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.
7. I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.
8. Women love a self-confident bald man.
9. I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
10. Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

Larry David Short Quotes

• Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.
• Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?
• I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.
• When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
• I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.
• I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.
• Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
• A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied
• If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
• Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Larry David Quotes About Life

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. — Larry David

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. — Larry David

You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare. — Larry David

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. — Larry David

Larry David Quotes About People

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. — Larry David

I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with. — Larry David

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. — Larry David

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter. — Larry David

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married! — Larry David

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people. — Larry David

I've always loathed rich people, so I've become who I've loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me. — Larry David

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate. — Larry David

Larry David Famous Quotes And Sayings

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. — Larry David

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. — Larry David

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. — Larry David

Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America. — Larry David

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. — Larry David

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. — Larry David

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. — Larry David

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it. — Larry David

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. — Larry David

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. — Larry David

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. — Larry David

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. — Larry David

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. — Larry David

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. — Larry David

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. — Larry David

I just feed off the energy of the audience. — Larry David

Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions. — Larry David

I'm a walking, talking enigma. — Larry David

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry. — Larry David

You write about what you know. — Larry David

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties. — Larry David

Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me. — Larry David

At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. — Larry David

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. — Larry David

The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature. — Larry David

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. — Larry David

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. — Larry David

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. — Larry David

Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest. — Larry David

You know, when you do standup there are certain requirements that you have to do like you have to go on stage and when you get introduced you have to say "Hey,how ya doin'? How are ya?" I couldn't do it. It was false. — Larry David

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course — Larry David

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. — Larry David

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone — Larry David

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. — Larry David

I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more. — Larry David

I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything! — Larry David

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. — Larry David

I find human contact repulsive. — Larry David

Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it. — Larry David

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. — Larry David

I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away. — Larry David

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do. — Larry David

I need to be on drugs to connect with nature. — Larry David

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. — Larry David

I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be made fun of, it's quite ridiculous isn't it. Think how people spend their lives, they have no idea. They go around as if this is a fact. It's so insane you know. If I really believed that stuff I'd keep it to myself. Lest somebody think I was out of my mind. — Larry David

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. — Larry David

Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good. — Larry David

I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first. — Larry David

Drugs scared me. — Larry David

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year. — Larry David

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul. — Larry David

I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello. — Larry David

Life Lessons by Larry David

1. Larry David's work demonstrates the importance of being true to yourself and your own unique sense of humor.
2. His success shows that it's possible to achieve success on your own terms, even if it means going against the grain.
3. His work also highlights the importance of persistence and resilience in the face of adversity.