What are the best Joan Rivers quotes?

Accurate and famous quotes by Joan Rivers about funny, sex, birth, housework, taylor. Joan Rivers is well-known American comedian with many wise quotes. You can read the best of all time and enjoy Top 10 lists. Share the best Joan Rivers sayings with your friends and family.

  1. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  2. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

  3. If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

    • funny

  4. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

    • funny

  5. My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

  6. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

  7. There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

    • comedy

  8. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes -- and six months later you have to start all over again.

  9. Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

  10. Never floss with a stranger.

    • funny

  11. It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

  12. She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

  13. Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

  14. I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

  15. My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

  16. Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

  17. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

  18. Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

  19. Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

  20. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

  21. A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

  22. Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

    • birth

  23. Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

  24. It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

  25. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

  26. I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

  27. Can we talk?

Top 10 quotes by Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers image quotes

What are the best Joan Rivers images quotes? Read and bookmark finest sayings from Joan Rivers, embed as quotes on beautiful images. Those images have funny quotes, sex quotes, birth quotes, housework quotes, taylor quotes.

That are top sayings from Joan Rivers as picture quotes. Access more quotations by Joan Rivers with images on Pinterest.

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About Joan Rivers

Where is Joan Rivers from? Joan Rivers is American who said awesome wise words. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Joan Rivers's character.

What Joan Rivers was famous for? Joan Rivers is famous comedian with many good quotes. Influential and well recognized comedian all over the world. Browse a lot of Joan Rivers books and reference books with quotes from Joan Rivers on Amazon.

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Comedians similar to Joan Rivers

Which comedian has the best quotes? Top quotes from famous comedians like the following.

Joan Rivers favorite topics

Joan Rivers is famous for his passion about funny, sex, birth, housework, taylor. Check out great quotations and affirmations on these topics.


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When was Joan Rivers birthday? Joan Rivers was born on October 16.

Who is Joan Rivers? Some facts about Joan Rivers from biography. Joan Rivers (born Joan Sandra Molinsky) is an American comedian, actress, talk show host, businesswoman, and celebrity. She is known for her brash manner and loud, raspy voice with a heavy metropolitan New York accent. Rivers is the National Chairwoman of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and is a boar... Read more about Joan Rivers on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Joan Rivers on YouTube. Browse a lot of books about Joan Rivers on Amazon to get more reference.


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