Introduction

What are the best Rita Rudner quotes? Read the most famous quotes by Rita Rudner. Top 10 Rita Rudner images and Top 10 Rita Rudner quotes. Rita Rudner quotations on love, people, marriage, think, funny are those that make this comedian famous.

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Best Rita Rudner quotes

Rita Rudner is famous American comedian with many wise quotes. Share the best Rita Rudner quotations of all times with your friends and family.


I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.


Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?


Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?




I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

  • pet

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

  • air

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.


My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

  • marriage

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.


My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

  • age

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

  • funny

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.


It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.


I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

  • humor

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.


I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.


I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.


I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night.


When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.


The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.


I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.


There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.


I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.


It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.


Every audience has a personality. Some of them don't have the best personalities, but you're on a date with them for an hour and a half, so you just make the best of it.

  • personality

I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.

  • love

While I do occasionally order items on the Internet, it's hard to teach an old shopper new tricks. I'm convinced that the catalogue will eventually disappear, but not until the last baby boomers have kicked off their smelly Nikes and been buried in mulch.


I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.


I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy.


I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me.




Rita Rudner quotes images

What are the best Rita Rudner images quotes? Read and bookmark finest quotes from Rita Rudner, embed as messages on beautiful images. Those images have love quotes, people quotes, marriage quotes, think quotes, funny quotes.

That were top sayings and Rita Rudner picture quotes. Access more quotations by Rita Rudner with images on Pinterest.

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About Rita Rudner

Where is Rita Rudner from? Rita Rudner is American who said awesome wise words. A influential and well recognized comedian all over the world. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Rita Rudner's character.

What Rita Rudner was famous for? Rita Rudner is famous comedian with many good quotes. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. Browse a lot of Rita Rudner books and reference books with quotes from Rita Rudner on Amazon.


Top Rita Rudner quotes about love

What are the best love quotes by Rita Rudner? List with Top 10 Rita Rudner sayings and quotes about love.


Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

  • love

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  • marriage

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.


I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.

  • love

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

  • love

I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

  • love

I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it.


I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.

  • love

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Top Rita Rudner quotes about people

What are the best people quotes by Rita Rudner? List with Top 10 Rita Rudner sayings and quotes about people.


Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

  • humor

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

  • woman

I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs.


If you are who you are on stage, people pay attention.

  • people

You are always trying to please people before you get to the public whenever you do anything that requires a corporate body to sanction it.

  • people

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Top Rita Rudner quotes about marriage

What are the best marriage quotes by Rita Rudner? List with Top 10 Rita Rudner sayings and quotes about marriage.


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  • marriage

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

  • marriage

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  • marriage

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  • marriage

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  • funny

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Top Rita Rudner quotes about think

What are the best think quotes by Rita Rudner? List with Top 10 Rita Rudner sayings and quotes about think.


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

  • pet

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

  • woman

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'


I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

  • love

I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you perceive to be a comedy rhythm, you will get laughs sooner, but you will not be unique.


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Top Rita Rudner quotes about funny

What are the best funny quotes by Rita Rudner? List with Top 10 Rita Rudner sayings and quotes about funny.


To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

  • funny

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

  • funny

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

  • funny

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  • funny

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More quotes by Rita Rudner

Want some more good quotations by Rita Rudner? Explore the rest of 72 sayings by Rita Rudner.


I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it.

  • loved

I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.


My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.


I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you perceive to be a comedy rhythm, you will get laughs sooner, but you will not be unique.

  • learning



I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

  • love

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.


I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

  • moving

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  • funny

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.


I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.


I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.


Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate.


A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.


I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'


I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.


I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!


I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs.

  • people

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

  • funny

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.


Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

  • love

You are always trying to please people before you get to the public whenever you do anything that requires a corporate body to sanction it.

  • people

I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.

  • love

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

  • money

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

  • children

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

  • woman

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?


Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  • marriage

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.


If you are who you are on stage, people pay attention.

  • people

On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'


I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  • marriage

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.


My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.


Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience because they are half of my act.


Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

  • women

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.


My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

  • buried

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

  • mother

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.


We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

  • pet

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

  • children

Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence.


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Comedians similar to Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner favorite topics

Rita Rudner is famous for his passion for love, people, marriage, think, funny. Check out great quotations and affirmations.


Conclusion

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How do you quote Rita Rudner? You are free to cite every quote from Rita Rudner found on Quotlr. Hit the share button to get sharing options for Facebook, Twitter or direct link for email.

When was Rita Rudner birthday? Rita Rudner was born on October 16.

Who is Rita Rudner? Some facts about Rita Rudner from biography. Rita Rudner is an American comedienne, writer and actress.Rudner and her producer husband, Martin Bergman, wrote the screenplay of the film Peter's Friends, in which she also acted. She is the author of the best-selling I Still Have It; I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It, Naked Beneath My Clothes,... Read more about Rita Rudner on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Rita Rudner on YouTube.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best Rita Rudner quotes
Top 10 quotes by Rita Rudner

Part 3
Rita Rudner quotes images

Part 4
Love
People
Marriage
Think
Funny
All quotes

Part 5
Similar Comedians

Part 6
Favorite topics

Part 7
Conclusion

Quote
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