I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.— Wendy Liebman
The most restlessness Wendy Liebman quotes that will inspire your inner self
My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday.
So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.
My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.
I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.
Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.
I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool.
I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet.
My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice.
For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.
People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me!
I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.
I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.
I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.
I don't think I was funny until college.
I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.
In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.
I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.
The only way to really have safe sex is to abstain. From drinking.
I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.