23+ Iliza Shlesinger Quotes On Relationships, Shame And Jimmy Kimmel

Iliza Shlesinger is an American comedian, actress, and writer. She is best known for her stand-up comedy specials on Netflix and her late-night talk show, Truth & Iliza. She is also the author of the New York Times bestseller Girl Logic: The Genius and the Absurdity. Following is our collection on famous quotes by Iliza Shlesinger on relationships, love, leadership.

Top 10 Iliza Shlesinger Quotes

1. Passion always finds a way. Follow your passion and everything else will work out.
2. Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.
3. It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.
4. Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.
5. If I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public.
6. As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a sprint, it gets a little easier.
7. I wasn't a 'hot chick' in high school. I was 'funny' and a tomboy and probably a little uncomfortable with my amazing boobs.
8. When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.
9. I don't hate other women. Let me rephrase that: I hate other women and men - people in general can be annoying - but I've never disliked a woman for being beautiful.
10. The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

Iliza Shlesinger Famous Quotes And Sayings

You can't go to the bathroom alone... you might not come back. Cause no girl's ever been to the bathroom alone and survived. It's true. The last woman that attempted it, it was 1937 and her name was Amelia Earhart. — Iliza Shlesinger

Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel - religious fanatic. Hot Maxim cover girl everybody wants a mouth kiss - unhealthy faith in your lord. Soft, silky, shiny hair everyone wants to touch - one of 12 brides. — Iliza Shlesinger

When you're missing your two front teeth, that's honesty. That is a door to your oral history. You're not covering anything up. You're saying, 'Hey world, I'm missing my front teeth. I'm gross; I'm dirty; I'm poor. I clearly have no problem with public urination and eating garbage. Don't come near me, I'll gum you to death! — Iliza Shlesinger

I always wished my dad was there to intimidate my boyfriends or something. It's supposed to be your dad giving your guys friends the stink-eye for sneaking beer through your house, not your mom. — Iliza Shlesinger

I don't come up with ideas, they come to me. I write them down and try to convey what's wrong with me to the audience as best I can. — Iliza Shlesinger

I learned this one growing up in Texas and, subsequently, living in Los Angeles: always use the 'usted' form when speaking to a Spanish official. Mexican border patrol cops don't like it when you call them 'amigo,' give them a hardy pat on the back, slip a $20 in their pocket. No bueno, it doesn't fly. By the way, those of you not laughing at that obviously took French in high school, and that was a gay choice. — Iliza Shlesinger

We've all been there, onstage. You say something you don't mean, you make fun of something on accident but... This wasn't that. This wasn't crowd work. This was a rehearsed set. This was pointed. — Iliza Shlesinger

It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July. — Iliza Shlesinger

When you get off stage, the audience should know a little bit about you. Not where you are from, but how you see the world. And that's the difference between like a Chris Rock joke, and like an open-miker. — Iliza Shlesinger

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better. — Iliza Shlesinger

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches. — Iliza Shlesinger

I was in New York last Christmas - it's snowing; there's a guy in a t-shirt. I'm like, 'Dude, aren't you cold?' 'No, I'm from New York. I don't get cold.' Just 'cause you're from a cold place doesn't mean you're genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. You're not a penguin. I was like, 'In fact, sir, you're Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. — Iliza Shlesinger

You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room. — Iliza Shlesinger

Life Lessons by Iliza Shlesinger

1. Iliza Shlesinger emphasizes the importance of self-love and self-acceptance, teaching us to be confident in our own skin and to embrace our unique qualities.
2. She also encourages us to take control of our lives and to make decisions that will benefit us in the long run.
3. Additionally, Iliza Shlesinger encourages us to speak our minds and to not be afraid to stand up for what we believe in.