Introduction

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What are the best Rodney Dangerfield quotes? Rodney Dangerfield quotes on wife, funny, marriage, told, psychiatrist are the ones, which make this Comedian famous. Access the best quotes from Rodney Dangerfield sorted by user likes.

Where is Rodney Dangerfield from? Rodney Dangerfield is American. A recognized Comedian. The following quotes and images represent the American peculiarities embed in Rodney Dangerfield's character.

What Rodney Dangerfield was famous for? Rodney Dangerfield is famous Comedian with tons of good quotes. Wise sayings can be accessed and memorized. Rodney Dangerfield is well-known and respected in American society.

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Best Rodney Dangerfield quotes

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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  • funny


I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  • funny


When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

  • Children


My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

  • Envy




My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  • crazy


I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

  • Food


I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

  • sports


I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

  • coming


I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  • being


I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  • bath


I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

  • Honesty


A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

  • come


The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

  • honest


My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  • fed


I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  • father


I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

  • asleep


I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

  • Age


My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

  • Marriage


I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

  • Respect


Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

  • being


We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  • apart


Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

  • bartender


This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

  • morning


One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

  • asked


My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  • car


My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  • born


My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

  • ben


I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  • feed


I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

  • pet


My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!

  • Marriage



Images quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes About

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Rodney Dangerfield quotes about wife

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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  • funny


My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  • car


I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

  • cheats


With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  • best


With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

  • night


What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • bee


My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

  • afraid


My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  • coming


My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  • again


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • marriage


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender


More wife quotes


Rodney Dangerfield quotes about funny

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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  • funny


I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  • funny


I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  • funny


Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  • crime


I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  • funny


I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

  • crime


What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • funny


More funny quotes


Rodney Dangerfield quotes about marriage

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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

  • Marriage


We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  • apart


My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!

  • Marriage


My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  • again


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • marriage


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  • marriage


More marriage quotes


Rodney Dangerfield quotes about told

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  • crazy


I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  • being


My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  • fed


What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • bee


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender


I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  • brown


More told quotes


Rodney Dangerfield quotes about psychiatrist

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  • crazy


I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  • being


With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

  • night


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender


More psychiatrist quotes


More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

  • Sex


I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

  • drink


I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

  • cheats


If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

  • life




Life is just a bowl of pits.

  • bowl


I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  • funny


With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  • best


With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

  • night


When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

  • cat


What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • bee


What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

  • pet


Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

  • dog


On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

  • halloween


My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

  • afraid


My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  • coming


My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

  • chair


My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  • again


My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  • came


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • marriage


I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

  • ask


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender


I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  • brown


I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

  • cigarette


I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

  • another


Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  • crime


I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  • funny


I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

  • crime


What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • funny


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  • marriage



Comedian similar to Rodney Dangerfield


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Conclusion

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When Rodney Dangerfield was born? Rodney Dangerfield was born on October 16.

Who is Rodney Dangerfield? Rodney Dangerfield biography. Rodney Dangerfield, born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect" and his monologues on that theme.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best Rodney Dangerfield quotes

Part 3
Rodney Dangerfield quotes images

Part 4
Rodney Dangerfield's Quotes About ...
Wife
Funny
Marriage
Told
Psychiatrist
All Rodney Dangerfield quotes

Part 5
Similar Comedians

Part 6
Conclusion

Quote
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