Introduction

What are the best Rodney Dangerfield quotes? Read the most famous quotes by Rodney Dangerfield. Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield images and Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield quotes. Rodney Dangerfield quotations on wife, funny, told, marriage, ugly are those that make this comedian famous.

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Best Rodney Dangerfield quotes

Rodney Dangerfield is famous American comedian with many wise quotes. Share the best Rodney Dangerfield quotations of all times with your friends and family.


I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.


My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.


When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.


I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  • funny



My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.


I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.


I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.


I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.


I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.


I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.


The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.


I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

  • pet

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  • fed

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.


I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.


I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.


This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.


My mother had morning sickness after I was born.


We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.


I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

  • age

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'


I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.


My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

  • ben

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

  • being

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  • car

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.


My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.


My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.


My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.




Rodney Dangerfield quotes images

What are the best Rodney Dangerfield images quotes? Read and bookmark finest quotes from Rodney Dangerfield, embed as messages on beautiful images. Those images have wife quotes, funny quotes, told quotes, marriage quotes, ugly quotes.

That were top sayings and Rodney Dangerfield picture quotes. Access more quotations by Rodney Dangerfield with images on Pinterest.

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About Rodney Dangerfield

Where is Rodney Dangerfield from? Rodney Dangerfield is American who said awesome wise words. A influential and well recognized comedian all over the world. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Rodney Dangerfield's character.

What Rodney Dangerfield was famous for? Rodney Dangerfield is famous comedian with many good quotes. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. Browse a lot of Rodney Dangerfield books and reference books with quotes from Rodney Dangerfield on Amazon.


Top Rodney Dangerfield quotes about wife

What are the best wife quotes by Rodney Dangerfield? List with Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield sayings and quotes about wife.


I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  • funny

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  • car

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.


With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.


With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!


My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

  • afraid

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  • coming

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  • again

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • marriage

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.


My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.


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Top Rodney Dangerfield quotes about funny

What are the best funny quotes by Rodney Dangerfield? List with Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield sayings and quotes about funny.


I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  • funny

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  • funny

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

  • food

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.


I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  • funny

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

  • crime

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • bee

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Top Rodney Dangerfield quotes about told

What are the best told quotes by Rodney Dangerfield? List with Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield sayings and quotes about told.


My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  • crazy

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  • being

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  • fed

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.


What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • bee

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Top Rodney Dangerfield quotes about marriage

What are the best marriage quotes by Rodney Dangerfield? List with Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield sayings and quotes about marriage.


My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

  • marriage

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  • apart

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  • again

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • marriage

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  • marriage

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Top Rodney Dangerfield quotes about ugly

What are the best ugly quotes by Rodney Dangerfield? List with Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield sayings and quotes about ugly.


My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  • crazy

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

  • bartender

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  • feed

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.


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More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Want some more good quotations by Rodney Dangerfield? Explore the rest of 58 sayings by Rodney Dangerfield.


I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • bartender

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

  • mother

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.




My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.


With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  • best

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

  • wife

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

  • crime

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.


If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.


I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  • funny

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • marriage

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  • crime

Life is just a bowl of pits.


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  • marriage

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

  • pet

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.


At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.


I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

  • cheats

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.


I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.


My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.


I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.


My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  • coming

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  • brown

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  • bee

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

  • night

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.


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Comedians similar to Rodney Dangerfield

Which comedian has the best quotes? Top quotes from famous comedians like the following.


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Rodney Dangerfield favorite topics

Rodney Dangerfield is famous for his passion for wife, funny, told, marriage, ugly. Check out great quotations and affirmations.


Conclusion

That were all of the 58 Rodney Dangerfield quotes. Maybe some questions are in your head.

How to save Rodney Dangerfield quotations? Save every quote you like to your Bookmarks for further reference. We rank the quotes by the number of bookmarks each one has. By bookmarking a quotation you increase its position in Quotlr rankings. We use top quotes as affirmations in our daily quote iPhone app.

How do you quote Rodney Dangerfield? You are free to cite every quote from Rodney Dangerfield found on Quotlr. Hit the share button to get sharing options for Facebook, Twitter or direct link for email.

When was Rodney Dangerfield birthday? Rodney Dangerfield was born on October 16.

Who is Rodney Dangerfield? Some facts about Rodney Dangerfield from biography. Rodney Dangerfield, born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect" and his monologues on that theme.... Read more about Rodney Dangerfield on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Rodney Dangerfield on YouTube.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best Rodney Dangerfield quotes
Top 10 quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Top 10 Rodney Dangerfield quotes about wife

Part 3
Rodney Dangerfield quotes images

Part 4
Wife
Funny
Told
Marriage
Ugly
All quotes

Part 5
Similar Comedians

Part 6
Favorite topics

Part 7
Conclusion

Quote
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