Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!— Don Rickles
The most tremendous Don Rickles quotes that will activate your desire to change
When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone.
But when you're different, you can last.
I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do the broads come on?" I got good at saying, "Relax. Clear your skin up first." They called me "the insult guy," but it's never mean-spirited. I'm just exaggerating everything about us and about life.
I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time.
I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.
I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.
Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?
Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.
My style is my personality. It's always been that way. Being a wiseguy and having fun. It's always been that way for me, when I was in high school, and in the Navy. It's not something I rehearse.
Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that.
I think they [Martin Scorsese, Johnny Carson, Frank Sinatra] liked my honesty.
My personality. For that, they always treated me great. I, in turn, treated them great. No secret about it. My being who I am - that is that.
When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.
I've never had guys sit me down and say this is what you've got to do.
It's my personality that makes me one of a kind, and I believe that.
I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.
Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.
Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.
I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.
I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.
I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.
Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.
I was with George Washington at Valley Forge, sitting around before an attack.
.. gimme a break. That's over 70 years ago already.
When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying.
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses.
A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.
Showbiz is great if you're successful.
In the old days, that was my ad-lib for hecklers in the joints I worked.
It stuck with me. I hardly say it now, say, to fans, even though people do send me hockey pucks.
In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.
That I walk around calling people 'dummy' and 'hockey puck'.
I do have a different life apart from being sarcastic on stage. I might kibitz around with my friends, but I'm nothing like the person who does stand up. Nothing like that.
The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.
You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.
When I first went to Vegas, there were just high-rollers and gamblers and the wise guys treated you great.
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast.
But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations.
The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny.
It's just to break things up between stand-up gigs.
I would only do it periodically. Maybe just an East Coast thing.
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
I still think funny, and people young and old still come and see me.
That's flattering. The day comes that they stop coming, then I'll know that it's time to retire to the Jewish ranch.
To me, the stand up part in my life is great.
I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.
I always enjoy being full of fun, but I have my serious moments.
Some women go for the studious kind of guy, I certainly was not that. If a girl is looking for somebody different and maybe a little more exciting for themselves - someone more on the fun side, I would suggest that they look for a type like Don Rickles.
I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys.
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.
Al Capone's my uncle. The old days were a lot different. The Latin Casino was the big time. When I got there I figured that I was doing pretty good, because remember, I started in nothing but after hours joints. I can't even name them now, but that's how I got noticed.
People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling.
What I do is, I make fun of people and I make fun of myself and things around us and exaggerate things. And I'm never mean-spirited. See, the word insult means some guy who's a real unkind human being. But I don't do that, because otherwise I wouldn't be headlining all these years, thank god, and all these people showing up to see me.
Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.
Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
My father wasn't much for show business.
He was an insurance man - very well-liked, very warm. He had a lot of friends.
Funny is funny.
I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.
An insult comic is the title I was given.
What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings.