What are the best Groucho Marx quotes?

Accurate and famous quotes by Groucho Marx about humor, read, book, television, marriage. Groucho Marx is well-known American comedian with many wise quotes. You can read the best of all time and enjoy Top 10 lists. Share the best Groucho Marx sayings with your friends and family.


  1. If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.


  2. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.


  3. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.


  4. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.




  5. Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.


  6. Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.


  7. If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.


  8. Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.


  9. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.


  10. Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.


  11. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.


  12. I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.


  13. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.


  14. All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

    • funny

  15. There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.


  16. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.


  17. Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.


  18. Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.


  19. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.


  20. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?


  21. Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.


  22. Humor is reason gone mad.

    • humor

  23. Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.


  24. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

    • funny

  25. I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.


  26. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.


  27. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.


  28. No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.

    • time

  29. It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.


  30. Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

    • time


Top 10 quotes by Groucho Marx

  1. Top 10 quotes
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Groucho Marx image quotes

What are the best Groucho Marx images quotes? Read and bookmark finest sayings from Groucho Marx, embed as quotes on beautiful images. Those images have humor quotes, read quotes, book quotes, television quotes, marriage quotes.


  1. Picture quote by Groucho Marx about fun

    If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.


  2. Picture quote by Groucho Marx about funny

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.


That are top sayings from Groucho Marx as picture quotes. Access more quotations by Groucho Marx with images on Pinterest.

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About Groucho Marx

Where is Groucho Marx from? Groucho Marx is American who said awesome wise words. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in Groucho Marx's character.

What Groucho Marx was famous for? Groucho Marx is famous comedian with many good quotes. Influential and well recognized comedian all over the world. Browse a lot of Groucho Marx books and reference books with quotes from Groucho Marx on Amazon.


What are the best humor quotes by Groucho Marx?


    If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

    • humor

    Humor is reason gone mad.

    • humor

    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

    • others

    Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

    • humor

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.


    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

    • best

    I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.


    Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.


    Room service? Send up a larger room. [A Night at the Opera]


More humor quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best read quotes by Groucho Marx?


    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

    • best

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.


    I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.


    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

    • best

    I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.


    I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

    • book

    I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.


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What are the best book quotes by Groucho Marx?


    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

    • best

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

    • books

    I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

    • book

    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

    • best

    I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

    • turns

    I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

    • book

More book quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best television quotes by Groucho Marx?


    I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

    • television

    I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

    • book

    I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

    • turns

    I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

    • book

    I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

    • minutes

More television quotes or go to table of contents


What are the best marriage quotes by Groucho Marx?


    Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

    • marriage

    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

    • marriage

    Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

    • marriage

    Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.


    One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

    • marriage

More marriage quotes or go to table of contents


More quotes by Groucho Marx

Want some more good quotations by Groucho Marx? Explore the rest of 95 sayings by Groucho Marx.


A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.


I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.


I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.


Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

  • age



Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.


There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.


There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.


Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  • marriage

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

  • books

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.


Women should be obscene and not heard.


Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

  • humor

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  • marriage

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.


Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.


I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.


I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

  • age

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.


From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

  • reading

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

  • book

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?


Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

  • politics

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.


Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!


Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.


My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.


Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  • best

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.


My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.


I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  • funny

I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

  • turns

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.


I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.


I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.


If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.


We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

  • art

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.


I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  • death

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.


Room service? Send up a larger room.


I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.


One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

  • marriage

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

  • book

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.


Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.

  • art

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

  • clique

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

  • minutes

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.


Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.


The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.


I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.


A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.


Before I speak, I have something important to say.


I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.


Go, and never darken my towels again.


In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.


Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.


The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

  • authors

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

  • medical

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.


Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.


I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.


Room service? Send up a larger room. [A Night at the Opera]

  • hotel

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

  • life

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Comedians similar to Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx favorite topics

Groucho Marx is famous for his passion about humor, read, book, television, marriage. Check out great quotations and affirmations on these topics.


Conclusion

That were all of the 95 quotes from Groucho Marx. Maybe some questions are in your head.

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When was Groucho Marx birthday? Groucho Marx was born on October 2, 1890.

Who is Groucho Marx? Some facts about Groucho Marx from biography. Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx, was an American comedian and film star. He is famed as a master of wit. He made 15 feature films with his siblings, the Marx Brothers, and also had a successful solo career, most notably as the host of the radio and television game show, You Bet Your Life. He had a disti... Read more about Groucho Marx on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from Groucho Marx on YouTube. Browse a lot of books about Groucho Marx on Amazon to get more reference.

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