Introduction

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What are the best George Carlin quotes? George Carlin quotes on humor, time, people, funny, think are the ones, which make this Comedian famous. Access the best quotes from George Carlin sorted by user likes.

Where is George Carlin from? George Carlin is American. A recognized Comedian. The following quotes and images represent the American peculiarities embed in George Carlin's character.

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Best George Carlin quotes

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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

  • people


No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke.

  • laugh


That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

  • america


Think of a person of average intelligence, and then realise half of the fucking country is more stupid than that idiot.

  • intelligence




The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

  • humor


Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

  • dance


Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

  • funny


There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

  • moon


I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

  • certain


Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

  • stupidity


Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.

  • Apathy


Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  • funny


May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-

  • Evil


If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

  • humanity


Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  • Observation


The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

  • argument


I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

  • books


I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

  • break


There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

  • Present


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask


Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

  • Camping


Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.

  • Perception


Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.

  • Speeches


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed


I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

  • group


And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.

  • nature


Think off-center.

  • think


I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  • authority


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  • atheism


Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

  • caused



Images quotes by George Carlin

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George Carlin Quotes About

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George Carlin quotes about humor

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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

  • america


The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

  • humor


If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

  • humanity


What year did Jesus think it was?

  • christianity


Meow” means “woof” in cat.

  • animals


I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.

  • Humor


You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

  • humor


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • dreams


Electricity is really just organized lighting

  • anarchy


More humor quotes


George Carlin quotes about time

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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed


Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

  • caused


What year did Jesus think it was?

  • christianity


The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

  • close


More time quotes


George Carlin quotes about people

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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

  • people


Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

  • stupidity


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed


I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  • authority


Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quit.

  • enough


I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

  • disease


The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

  • close


More people quotes


George Carlin quotes about funny

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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

  • america


Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

  • funny


Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  • funny


In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

  • funny


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  • funny


More funny quotes


George Carlin quotes about think

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I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed


Think off-center.

  • think


I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

  • disease


More think quotes


More quotes by George Carlin

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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

  • funny


When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

  • all


Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

  • crime


What year did Jesus think it was?

  • christianity




Meow” means “woof” in cat.

  • animals


Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook

  • Body


The status quo sucks.

  • quo


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

  • travel


I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

  • organized


Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quit.

  • enough


Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

  • Housework


We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

  • Thanksgiving


I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

  • delivering


Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

  • another


I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

  • disease


The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.

  • flame


The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

  • caterpillar


I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.

  • Humor


The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'

  • War


May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

  • become


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  • funny


The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

  • close


At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

  • bathroom


I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

  • building


When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

  • candle


You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

  • humor


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • dreams


Electricity is really just organized lighting

  • anarchy


Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

  • screwing


Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

  • find



Comedian similar to George Carlin


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Conclusion

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When George Carlin was born? George Carlin was born on October 16.

Who is George Carlin? George Carlin biography. George Denis Patrick Carlin was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and philosopher.Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's right to regulate Carlin's act on the public airwaves.Carlin's mid-2000s stand-up routines focused on the flaws in modern-day America. He often took on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture.A disciple of Lenny Bruce, he placed second on the Comedy Central cable television network list of the 10 greatest stand-up comedians, ahead of Bruce and behind Richard Pryor. He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show during the three-decade Johnny Carson era, and was also the first person to host Saturday Night Live.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best George Carlin quotes

Part 3
George Carlin quotes images

Part 4
George Carlin's Quotes About ...
Humor
Time
People
Funny
Think
All George Carlin quotes

Part 5
Similar Comedians

Part 6
Conclusion

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