Introduction

What are the best George Carlin quotes? Read the most famous quotes by George Carlin. Top 10 George Carlin images and Top 10 George Carlin quotes. George Carlin quotations on people, humor, funny, work, think are those that make this comedian famous.

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Best George Carlin quotes

George Carlin is famous American comedian with many wise quotes. Share the best George Carlin quotations of all times with your friends and family.


Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke.


That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.


Think of a person of average intelligence, and then realise half of the fucking country is more stupid than that idiot.




The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.


Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.


Weather forecast for tonight: dark.


There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.


Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.


I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.


Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.


Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  • funny

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-


Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.


The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.


I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.


Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.


I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.


Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.


Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.


I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.


And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.


Think off-center.




George Carlin quotes images

What are the best George Carlin images quotes? Read and bookmark finest quotes from George Carlin, embed as messages on beautiful images. Those images have people quotes, humor quotes, funny quotes, work quotes, think quotes.


Picture quote by George Carlin about silence

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.


Picture quote by George Carlin about future

Always do whatevers next.


Picture quote by George Carlin about population

Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinkng. They want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.


Picture quote by George Carlin about idealist

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.


Picture quote by George Carlin about animals

What do dogs do on their day off? They can't lie around, thats their job!


Picture quote by George Carlin about teach

Don't just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.


Picture quote by George Carlin about believe

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.


Picture quote by George Carlin about rich

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they have lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.


That were top sayings and George Carlin picture quotes. Access more quotations by George Carlin with images on Pinterest.

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About George Carlin

Where is George Carlin from? George Carlin is American who said awesome wise words. A influential and well recognized comedian all over the world. The following quotations and images represent the American nature embed in George Carlin's character.

What George Carlin was famous for? George Carlin is famous comedian with many good quotes. Well-known and respected in American society for wise sayings. Browse a lot of George Carlin books and reference books with quotes from George Carlin on Amazon.


Top George Carlin quotes about people

What are the best people quotes by George Carlin? List with Top 10 George Carlin sayings and quotes about people.


Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

  • people

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

  • stupidity

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  • authority

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quit.


I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.


The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.


The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'

  • close

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

  • people

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

  • people

More people quotes or go to table of contents


Top George Carlin quotes about humor

What are the best humor quotes by George Carlin? List with Top 10 George Carlin sayings and quotes about humor.


That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

  • america

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

  • humor

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

  • humanity

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask

What year did Jesus think it was?


Meow” means “woof” in cat.


I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.

  • humor

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

  • humor

Electricity is really just organized lighting


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Top George Carlin quotes about funny

What are the best funny quotes by George Carlin? List with Top 10 George Carlin sayings and quotes about funny.


That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

  • america

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

  • funny

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  • funny

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

  • funny

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  • funny

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Top George Carlin quotes about work

What are the best work quotes by George Carlin? List with Top 10 George Carlin sayings and quotes about work.


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

  • ask

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quit.

  • enough

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.


When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.


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Top George Carlin quotes about think

What are the best think quotes by George Carlin? List with Top 10 George Carlin sayings and quotes about think.


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

  • allowed

Think off-center.

  • think

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

  • disease

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

  • people

More think quotes or go to table of contents


More quotes by George Carlin

Want some more good quotations by George Carlin? Explore the rest of 76 sayings by George Carlin.


Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?


When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

  • all

What year did Jesus think it was?

  • christianity

Meow” means “woof” in cat.

  • animals



In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

  • funny

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

  • caterpillar

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook


The status quo sucks.

  • quo

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quit.

  • enough

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.


I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.


The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.

  • close

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

  • disease

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.


We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.


When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.


The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

  • humor

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  • funny

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.


Always do whatever's next.


When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.


When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

  • candle

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.


You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.


One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.


Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.


I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

  • people

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?


The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.


Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.


Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.


Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.


People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

  • people

Electricity is really just organized lighting

  • anarchy

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'

  • close

Religion is just mind control.


If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.


Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.


One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.


By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.


I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.


Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.


At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.


I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.

  • humor

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Comedians similar to George Carlin

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George Carlin favorite topics

George Carlin is famous for his passion for people, humor, funny, work, think. Check out great quotations and affirmations.


Conclusion

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When was George Carlin birthday? George Carlin was born on October 16.

Who is George Carlin? Some facts about George Carlin from biography. George Denis Patrick Carlin was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and philosopher.Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" come... Read more about George Carlin on Wikipedia or watch videos with quotes from George Carlin on YouTube.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1
Introduction

Part 2
Best George Carlin quotes
Top 10 quotes by George Carlin
Top 10 George Carlin quotes about people

Part 3
George Carlin quotes images

Part 4
People
Humor
Funny
Work
Think
All quotes

Part 5
Similar Comedians

Part 6
Favorite topics

Part 7
Conclusion

Quote
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