Milton Berle quotes

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

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• opportunity

If oppurtunity doesn't knock, build a door.

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• opportunity

Laughter is an instant vacation.

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• vacations

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

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• marriage

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

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• funny

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

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• committee

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

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• disgrace

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

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• come

Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

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• committee

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

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• age

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

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• far

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

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• education

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

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• accountant

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

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• funny

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

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• attitude

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

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• feel