Steve Allen Quotes

Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

Ours is a government of checks and balances.

The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.

If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow.

In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers.

In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.

If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war.

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs.

The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized.

The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake.