Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

— Alan King

The most grateful Alan King quotes that will add value to your life

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

24

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

12

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

8

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

8

The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." The lawyer frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."

6

My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'

5

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

3

There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor.

When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'

2

My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

1

Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.

1

I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.

That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.

0

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.

0

About Alan King

Quotes 19 sayings
Nationality American
Profession Comedian
Birthday October 16

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust.

It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

0

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

0

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

0

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.

0

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex.

Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

0

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

0
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